Fun_People Archive
21 Nov
Life in Hell

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 21 Nov 96 14:25:31 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: Life in Hell

Forwarded-by: Bob Stein
Forwarded-by: "Truscello, Roberta" <> (by way of Bob Stein)
Forwarded-by: a friend in Massachusetts

A guy dies and wakes up to find he is in hell.  He's really depressed as he
stands in the processing line, waiting to talk to an admittance counselor.
He thinks to himself, "I know I lead a wild life, but I wasn't that bad.
I never thought it would come to this."  Looking up, he sees that it is his
turn to be processed into hell.  With fear and a heavy heart, he walks up
to the counselor.

Counselor: What's the problem; you look depressed.

Guy:  Well, what do you think?  I'm in hell.

Counselor:  Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like
	to drink?

Guy:  Sure, I love to drink.

Counselor:  Well then, you are going to love Mondays.  On Mondays, we drink
	up a storm.  You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you
	want and as much a you want.  We party all night long.  You'll love
	Mondays.  Do you smoke?

Guy:  Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Counselor:  You are going to love Tuesdays.  Tuesday is smoke day.  You get
	to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere.
	And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer,
	because you are already dead!  Is that great or what?  You are going
	to love Tuesdays.  Do you do drugs?

Guy:  Well, in my younger days, I experimented a little.

Counselor:  You are going to love Wednesdays.  That's drug day.  You can
	experiment with any drug you want and you don't have to worry about
	overdoses or getting hooked because you are already dead.  You are
	going to love Wednesdays.  Do you gamble?

Guy:  Yes, I love to gamble.

Counselor:  You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all day and
	night -- black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything!
	You are going to love Thursdays.  Are you gay?

Guy:  Well, no, I'm not.

Counselor:  Oooh [grimaces], you're gonna hate Fridays...

[You can guess what the gay version of this joke is...  -psl]

Communist cell. The
police, fortuitously, received an *anonymous* tip that *child abuse*
(Waco?) was going on inside, so the police had probable cause to kick and
enter.... How long will it take the bad cops (who may be bad but are not
stupid, either) to figure out that you can get a clean shot at Angelic
Andy's key just by getting a dirty informant to send him an encyrpted
message? Would have made tapping Martin Luther King a lot easier, huh?
Could have a legal wiretap on the 1996 MLK, reading messages in real-time
with MLK's secret key, simply by having FBI Informant #777654 send him an
encrypted email about pizza delivery services.

Just something to think about as you send in your secret keys to whoever
Mr. Clinton designates.

And one more thing. Do you feel OK with your keys in Mr. Clinton's
designee's hands? If you do, great! What about when Newt is president?
Still OK? And the Newt fans -- Feel OK about President Hillary Clinton
succeeding Bill? Will she leave your key on the table in the book closet?

Perot? Will he leave it under the hood of that car he wants to fix?

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