Fun_People Archive
16 Dec
The Venerable SPAM Haiku Harvest...

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 16 Dec 96 03:23:52 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Venerable SPAM Haiku Harvest...

[There are some new ones here, hidden among the old, familiar glistening  
cubes of spork...  -psl]

Forwarded-by: joev@archtop.com
Forwarded-by: garren@teleport.com (Alan Garren)
Forwarded-by: whitten@flmnh.ufl.edu


		SPAM HAIKUS
				
		
Grotesque pinkish mass
in a blue can on a shelf
quivering alone

  Like some spongy rock,
  a granite, my piece of spam
  in sunlight on my plate

    Oh Argentina!
    Your little tin of meat soars
    above the pampas

      The color of Spam
      is natural as the sky;
      a block of sunrise

        Little slab of meat
        in a wash of clear jelly;
        now I heat the pan

          Oh tin of pink meat
          I ponder what you may be;
          snout or ear or feet?

            In the cool morning
            I fry up a slab of Spam.
            A dog barks next door.

              Pink tender morsel,
              glistening with salty gel.
              What the hell is it?

                Ears, snouts and innards,
                a homogeneous mass.
                Pass another slice.

                  Cube of cold pinkness
                  yellow specks of porcine fat.
                  Give me a spork please.

                    Old man seeks doctor.
                    "I eat SPAM daily," he says.
                    Angioplasty.

                      Highly unnatural,
                      The tortured shape of this "food."
                      A small pink coffin.

                        Slicing your sweet self
                        salivating in suspense
                        Sizzle, sizzle...Spam.

                          Wedding catered by
                          Hormel.  Reception marred by
                          Sudden illnesses

                            Pink beefy temptress
                            I can no longer remain
                            vegetarian.

                              What is more awful
                              Than the sound of squishing Spam?
                              A Kenny G tune.

                                Hannibal Lecter
                                eats livers, but no pig snouts.
                                Silence of the Spams.

© 1996 Peter Langston