Fun_People Archive
13 Jan
The Comedian's Eye View of 01/13/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 13 Jan 97 02:27:33 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 01/13/97

Excerpted-from: 01/13/97 -- ShopTalk

                       Monday January 13, 1997

     "An image of the Virgin Mary appeared on the side of a bank
      in Clearwater, Florida.  What's everyone so excited about?
      Where else would a 2,000-year-old Jewish woman go for the
                                  Craig Kilborn, on The Daily Show


The Political Scene: The 1997 inaugural committee gave merchandising rights
to the QVC shopping channel.  Says Argus Hamilton, "You can buy
commemorative White House mugs, White House china and White House pins.
President comes separately."

"A reminder: If you are calling from Asia, the call is toll-free."
(The Daily Scoop)

After Newt Gingrich was reelected House speaker, Democrat David Bonior said,
"There is a huge black cloud over the House and it's getting darker."

"Then Gingrich moved out from in front of the TV lights and everything was
OK."  (Jerry Perisho)

"Gingrich wasn't humble for long," Hamilton says. "When insurance companies
declared the California flooding an act of God, Newt denied everything."

The Trial Goes On: An LAPD criminalist testified that the glove photographed
at the murder scene may not be the glove in evidence at OJ Simpson's
criminal trial.  "To clear up the mystery, investigators are looking for a
tamperer named Lefty," says Stan Kaplan.

In an amazing turn of events in the OJ Simpson case, defense experts believe
they now may have uncovered a rare, never-before-seen photograph of Simpson
not wearing Bruno Magli shoes." (Jay Leno)

Kato Kaelin testified again.  "Then he asked if he could crash in the jury
room for a few days." (Daily Scoop)

A Northwestern University engineering professor used the school's Web site
to claim that the Holocaust didn't happen.  "In another area of the site,
a Northwestern history professor claims the computer was never invented."
(Daily Scoop)

The French Tourism Board has started a new ad campaign, "I Love France," to
promote visitors.  "They'd better be careful," says Bill Williams. "New York
did that and they got Howard Stern."

The Toronto Blue Jays offered 16-year-old Juan Bernhardt a $1-million
contract this week. "Bernhardt says he'll sign the deal only if it doesn't
interfere with his paper route." (Premiere Morning Sickness)

"What is happening to professional sports in this town?" asks Leno.  "I read
where the owner of the LA Dodgers has the team up for sale.  Then Wednesday
morning when I'm looking through the Pennysaver, I seethe Clippers are for

Robert Shapiro, OJ Simpson's former attorney, is among those bidding for
the Dodgers.  "Imagine if he bought the team," says Jay Leno.  "Suddenly
none of the gloves would fit."

"If Shapiro buys the Dodgers," says Bob Lacey, "the fans will still bleed
Dodger blue, but it will be difficult to prove the blood is theirs."

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