Book 'Em, Damn-o!
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 22 Jan 97 13:37:45 -0800
Subject: Book 'Em, Damn-o!
Texas County Votes ``Hell'' Out of Hello
KINGSVILLE, Texas (Reuter) - Heaven-o, how are you?
It may take some getting used to, but Kleberg County commissioners have
thrown their support behind a local man's campaign to take the ``hell'' out
County Judge Pete De La Garza said Wednesday that the commissioners voted
unanimously for a resolution urging the use of ``heaven-o'' instead of hello
``Is everybody using it? The answer is of course, no. It is a very new thing
and everybody's a little apprehensive,'' De La Garza told Reuters. ``I
suppose it's like everything else, once you get adjusted to it, you might
start using it.''
The idea was spawned by flea market operator Leonoso Canales, who told the
San Antonio Express-News, ``I see hell in hello. It's disguised by the o,
but once you see it, it will slap you in the face.''
Canales, 56, wanted the commissioners to make heaven-o the official greeting
of the county, but De La Garza said the resolution only supports its
optional use. ``We didn't want to get into the separation of church and
state issue,'' he said.
The commissioners gave Canales their support because ``he's a local guy,''
but their vote ``has nothing to do with anything pious,'' De La Garza said.
Canales believes his campaign will gain momentum now that it has the weight
of officialdom behind it. He now plans to go to Texas Gov. George W. Bush
to propose heaven-o as the state's official greeting.
``I feel we have made history here in Kleberg County and set a new
precedent,'' he said.
The judge said he was not yet accustomed to the new greeting, but that he
was trying, awkwardly, to use it. ''Heaven-o, sir. Adios,'' he said at the
end of the interview.
=o= Why not just "heck-o?" [For that matter, how about "hi?" -psl]
=o= Why would a state that fought so hard against being called "The
Friendship State" have such a namby-pamby official state greeting? I think
"sha-heee-yit-o" would be more appropriate.
=o= What about other words? How about those poor armadillos, clams, eggs
and tortoises that are trapped in armadilloshells, clamshells, eggshells,
and tortoiseshells? And shouldn't our CEO be renamed "Mitcheaven?"
=o= More other word improvements: angelstrate, panangelium, and of course
that nostalgic old venue, vaugodle.
© 1997 Peter Langston