Fun_People Archive
1 Feb
The Comedian's Eye View of 02/03/97

Content-Type: text/plain
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat,  1 Feb 97 15:05:02 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 02/03/97

Excerpted-from: 02/03/97 -- ShopTalk

                       Monday, February 3, 1997

In the News: A McDonald's employee in Connecticut was arrested, accused of
selling pot at the drive-through window.  "Parents wondered why their kids
needed $69.95 for a Happy Meal," says Bill Williams.

"Selling marijuana at McDonald's makes sense in California," says Jay Leno.
"When you burn yourself with the scalding hot coffee, you can treat it with
medicinal marijuana."

The first museum dedicated to journalism will open in Washington, DC.
"It'll only cost 25 cents to get in.  A buck-fifty on Sundays." (Cutler
Daily Scoop)

The IRS says Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones owes $8.3 million in back
taxes.  "Just another adventure in the saga of America's Legal System Team."
(Daily Scoop)

Health and Medicine: A Manhattan health club has introduced a "hypoxic"
workout room that simulates skiing.  "The 8-by-8 room, designed to duplicate
atmospheric conditions in Aspen, Colo., has one bad side effect," says Bob
Mills.  "After 15 minutes in it, people develop an uncontrollable desire to
overvalue real estate."

Five HMOs threaten to leave LA unless they get tax relief.  "They insist
that the present tax structure lowers their profits from obscene to merely
unconscionable." (Mills)

The New England Journal of Medicine has endorsed physician-prescribed
marijuana.  "The first hint that approval would be granted came during a
closed-door meeting when the editorial board sent out for 2,000 tollhouse
cookies."  (Mills)

Cirque du OJ: "The jury has reached a decision," says Leno.  "They convicted
Bruno Magli.  The guy's shoes are all over the place."

"The jury faces a tough decision- Random House or Doubleday." (Brian J. Hill)

"The weather is starting to get nice," says Leno.  "It was so warm out, I
saw OJ's lawyer Robert Baker actually shed his skin as he was sunning
himself on a rock."

prev [=] prev © 1997 Peter Langston []