Fun_People Archive
3 Feb
The Comedian's Eye View of 02/04/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon,  3 Feb 97 21:28:31 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 02/04/97

Excerpted-from: 02/04/97 -- ShopTalk

                       Tuesday February 4, 1997

    "One day if I go to heaven, I'm going to do what every San
     Franciscan does who goes to heaven.  I'll look around and say,
     'It ain't bad, but it ain't San Francisco.'"

                                  Herb Caen (June 14, 1996)
                                 1916 - 1997


The Big and Small Screens: A new movie will be based on the old series "The
Green Hornet."  Says Jenny Church, "It's about the Green Hornet and his
house guest Kato."

"The television sweeps period has begun.  That is that special time when
legitimate news shows do stories that would make Jenny Jones blush." (The
Cutler Daily Scoop)

A sequel to "Rosemary's Baby" is in the works.  "Mia Farrow has been offered
a role," says Premiere Morning Sickness, "but she insists that the devil be
portrayed as a glasses-wearing, cradle-robbing, neurotic New York

Newt Gingrich may give a televised speech to explain his side of his ethics
violations.  "Just what part of 'I admit it' didn't we understand?" (Daily

People magazine reports that one of the main characters on "Melrose Place"
will die of a brain tumor.  "What is it gonna grow on?" asks Jay Leno.

Ecology Watch: The US Fish and Wildlife Service has nominated the 5- inch
bog turtle to the endangered species list.  "The shelled amphibian can be
found in swamps from Massachusetts to Georgia and on the seafood sampler at
the Red Lobster," says Bob Mills.

"Approval is expected to move very slowly, but steadily, through Congress."
(Jerry Perisho)

Law Enforcement: The FBI issues a warning that its lab results could be
flawed.  Says Mills, "The problem first came to light when a federal
prosecutor in Tallahassee received test results from a blood sample he's
submitted that said, 'Your dog has diabetes.'"

"FBI ballistics experts conducted tests by firing bullets into mattresses
agents had collected from beside the freeways." (Mills)

The Treasury Department reports a 57% drop in gun dealers since the Brady
Bill was passed.  "However, the remaining shops have added staff during
their peak after-school hours." (Alan Ray)

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