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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 4 Feb 97 13:27:29 -0800
Subject: On Marriage...
[Why are jokes about marriage always so simple-minded? -psl]
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Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with
friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow
has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married
the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and
the woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked his father, "Dad, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until
I got married; and then it was too late.
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the
When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year
married man looks happy - we wonder why.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man
speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the
man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when
I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and
didn't notice it."
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up
with the same boss.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one
thing: either the car is new or the wife.
A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a
millionaire." "And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".
This gal goes to a party without her husband. She hears another guy say to
his wife "Pass the sugar, Honey." and "Pass the honey, Sugar." She thinks
this sort of speech is a good idea. So, next morning as she and her husband
are eating breakfast, she says to her husband, "Pass the bacon, Pig."
A man rushed home from work and exclaimed to his wife, "Pack your bags, I've
won the lottery!" The wife excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold
or warm weather?" He says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned
over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then smiled "It really works!"
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something
you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish ...
© 1997 Peter Langston