The Ballad of Bill Clinton
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 14 Feb 97 18:44:34 -0800
Subject: The Ballad of Bill Clinton
Forwarded-by: Joyce Marie McCosco <MCCO2533@mlb.com>
To the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies theme song.
Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Bill
A slick Southern Gov with his eye upon the Hill
Then one day, no mistakin' what he meant,
He said for all to hear: "Think I'll run for president!"
Well the next thing you know young Bill's a candidate
The kinfolk said: "Bill, prepare for your debate!"
Then he was elected, he outpointed everyone,
So he hopped on a bus and he moved to Washington.
DC that is. Press pools, Senate stars.
The prez announced he'd seek a second term,
and hoped that voters would forget about the Rose law firm.
He told us that his first four years were absolutely great,
Despite the travel mess, Vince Foster and Whitewatergate.
The GOP's top candidate was grumpy old Bob Dole
Who frowned a lot and took a fall and trailed in every poll
He criticized the president for sleaze and sacrilege,
but Clinton campaigned brilliantly and sold us all a bridge.
To the 21st century, that is. Bumpy ride, heavy tolls.
The democrats did all they could to ensure re-election
they even took big money from Bill's fareast connection
Campaign reform failed in the House politically
Republicans were jus as guilty as the DNC
The scandals broke around the clock as pundits sang in chorus:
A call girl gets hot inside stuff from Bill's old pal Dick Morris.
Whenever issues were discussed, like saving Medicare
the newshounds were more interested in who'd had an affair.
Foreign that is. Christopher muddles. Albright befuddles.
There's Africa and Bosnia, and trouble with the Serbs
At home there's crime and rampart drugs, and all those welfare curbs
Opponents keep on hitting Clinton with their mean attacks
But Bill just waffles, which he likes as much as his Big Macs.
The critics charge that bad boy Bill ain't very ethical
He feels our pain but his concern is antithetical
Supporters say that Clinton surely must be resolute
or risk the wrath of hypocrites just like that guy named Newt.
Gingrich that is. House speaker, scandal seeker.
One person we've not heard much from is Bill's wife Hillary
she messed up health care and became a liability
Then David Brinkley called slick Willie a collosol bore
but he's not half as dull and stiff as VP Albert Gore.
Wood man, that is. Snoozing proficiency, charisma deficiency
With all the fuss you have to ask if Clinton is a-fixin'
to quit before his term is up like Richard Millhouse Nixon.
And if the scandals don't subside a point just might be reached
when our beloved president is vetoed and impeached.
But till it happens Clinton knows that he's got four more years
to find his lovely wife a job and further their careers
You haven't seen the last of Dole, so please don't hold your breath
Next time around the president might be Elizabeth.
Now it's time to say goodbye to bill and all his kin
They'd really like to thank you folks for kindly droppin' in
You're all invited back next year to this locality
to have a heapin' helpin' of their hospitality.
Hillary Billy that is. Sta a spell. Take your shoes off.
Y'll come back now, heah?
By Jerry Zezima, columnist for the Stamford Advocate
© 1997 Peter Langston