Seinfeld, the Observant
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 18 Feb 97 23:16:12 -0800
Subject: Seinfeld, the Observant
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Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one
who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you
tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh,
sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals
allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the
dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important
occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants?
"Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every
time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing?
Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you
ever see anyone take one to the beach?
Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't
it a "built"?
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and
when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put
on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the
bathroom in a handicapped stall?
How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic
idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?
All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder
they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect
the horses to do, anyway?
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the
person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to
move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our
destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine
inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"
Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How
did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till
them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."
Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but
they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get
our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders,
kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an
ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but
easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.
Who is this guy Louis Freeh who is head of the FBI? People keep calling him
Louie, like he was the king of France or something. And what's this with
his last name? What does this mean, that he gives away the letter H?
© 1997 Peter Langston