Toivo asnd Helmi's Honeymoon
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 25 Feb 97 18:17:33 -0800
Subject: Toivo asnd Helmi's Honeymoon
Toivo and Helmi get married and they're going to Iron Mountain for their
honeymoon. They're driving down 95 when Toivo reaches over and puts his
hand on Helmi's thigh. Helmi says "You know, Toivo, now that we're married
we can go a little farther." So they went to Green Bay!
grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice
Democracy is people of all races, colors, and creeds united by a single
dream: to get rich and move to the suburbs away from people of all races,
colors, and creeds. Democracy is having time set aside to worship -- 18
years if you're Jim Bakker.
Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have
to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does
not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two
or more ineffective political parties. Democracy means freedom of sexual
choice between any two consenting adults; Utopia means freedom of choice
between three or more consenting adults. But I digress. Democracy is
welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto
-- usually a mop or a leaf blower. It means that with proper timing and
scrupulous bookkeeping, anyone can die owing the government a huge amount
of money. Democracy means a thriving heartland with rolling fields of
Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Spanky, and Wheezer. Democracy means our elected
officials bow to the will of the people, but more often they bow to the big
butts of campaign contributors.
Yes, democracy means fighting every day for what you deserve, and fighting
even harder to keep other weaker people from getting what they deserve.
Democracy means never having the Secret Police show up at your door. Of
course, it also means never having the cable guy show up at your door. It's
a tradeoff. Democracy means free television, not good television, but free.
Democracy is being able to pick up the phone and, within a minute, be
talking to anyone in the country, and, within two minutes, be interrupted
by call waiting.
Democracy means no taxation without representation, and God knows, we've
just about had the hell represented out of us. It means the freedom to bear
arms so you can blow the "o" out of any rural stop sign you want. And
finally, democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows
in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its
head -- this signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was
bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife,
and lights out for the American eagle. I thank you.
| Rob Cordes |
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© 1997 Peter Langston