The Least Known Chapters in "Dianetics"
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 28 Feb 97 17:44:41 -0800
Subject: The Least Known Chapters in "Dianetics"
[Well, I have a problem. The Top Five people have several different
copyright notices attached to their lists. The one in the Top5 archives is
very restrictive; it says something like: "Property of Ziff-Davis
Publications, use of any sort by anybody in any form without explicit written
permission is punishable by death or worse" - I'm not sure I got the wording
just right, but you get the idea.
So I figured, okay, I'll ignore Top5 since most of them didn't strike me
as funny anyway. But people kept sending me lists that might have come from
Top5 and that were occasionally very funny. But I had no way to know what
their origin was (thanks to those dim bulbs who strip off attributions).
So I figured, okay, I'll subscribe and try to remember what the topics
were so I can avoid reposts of old Top5 lists. That worked fine; they came,
sporting a very permissive copyright notice, but I didn't care because they
were lame anyway. But then a really funny and even controversial one came
along with a great disclaimer attached...
So I figured, okay, I'll write a long and boring introduction that will
convince everybody that I'm really trying to do the right thing even if I
slipped up this one time. And then I'll point out that I'm complying with
the copyright notice on the e-mailed version. And then I'll excerpt it, just
keeping the more interesting parts. And finally I'll remind the Fun_People
that I do see all the Top5 lists and don't need any more copies (although I
appreciate the thought).
Shhh... With any luck, the Ziff-David lawyers have dozed off by now...
Excerpted-from: Top5 - 2/28/97 - Least Known Chapters in "Dianetics"
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/ | February 28, 1997 | \
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IMPORTANT LAWSUIT-AVOIDING DISCLAIMER-TYPE NOTICE:
The following list is a comedic look at the book, "Dianetics", and its
author, the world-renowned, highly-esteemed, late science fiction
writer/adventurer/yachtsman/horticulturist L. Ron Hubbard. In it we stretch
the truth, bend the facts, and probably even make up some stuff. Nothing
you read here should be taken seriously. I'm sure the Scientologists are
fine people. Okay, I'm not *really* sure, but there's always the remote
chance that they're fine people, isn't there? Regardless, we don't want them
suing us (not that they're famous for doing that or anything), so don't
believe anything you read here. Just laugh at it, then go back to your jobs.
The Top 15 Least Known Chapters in "Dianetics"
15> "Getting Chicks To Say Yes: L. Ron Answers the Booty Call"
14> "Hey, If It's In a Bestseller, It MUST Be True!"
13> "Travolta 3:16"
12> "Making Your Own E-meter With Dixie Cups And Duct Tape"
11> "Chapter 26: In Which Luke Discovers that L. Ron Vader is His
10> "Chapter 5: Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot"
9> "'Old Mother' Hubbard -- L. Ron, the Transvestite Years"
8> "Chapter 12: Geez, You're Still Buying This, Aren't You?"
7> "The Human Mind: That Vast Realm Half an Inch Behind the
Forehead (Two Inches Back for Scott Hamilton)"
6> "When a Lawsuit Hits Your Eye, Like a Big Pizza Pie,
5> "He's NOT the Telescope Guy!"
4> "Chapter 11: How To File For It"
3> "Movie Stars -- Are They Gullible, or What?"
2> "Chapter 3: Post This on the Internet and We'll Sue Your Ass!"
and the Number 1 Least Known Chapter in "Dianetics"...
1> "Commandment Number One: 'Show Me the Money!'"
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© 1997 Peter Langston