Fun_People Archive
18 Mar
The Comedian's Eye View of 03/18/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 18 Mar 97 16:03:14 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 03/18/97

Excerpted-from: 03/18/97 -- ShopTalk

                        Tuesday March 18, 1997


News from Washington: After President Clinton injured his knee on Friday,
his press secretary was asked at a briefing if he had been given painkillers.
The answer, according to Mark Michaels: "Yes, but he didn't swallow them."

Before leaving for Florida, where he was injured, Clinton told guilt-ridden
baby boom parents how to tell their kids about drugs.  "Just look across the
dinner table and say you didn't do them.  It worked on your parents, it'll
work on your kids." (Argus Hamilton)

"Clinton said the idea that baby boomers are afraid to talk to their kids
about drugs is 'hooey,'" says the Cutler Daily Scoop.  "He's right.  Just
try getting a boomer to not talk about the '60s."

Clinton exhorted parents to warn their kids about drugs.  "Mothers were also
warned not to let their babies grow up to be Dallas Cowboys," says Paul Ecker.

"That scientist from Scotland, Ian Wilmut, the guy that cloned the sheep,
appeared before Congress.  At least they think it was him...His wife said
no, he was with her the whole time."  (Jay Leno)

The US Postal Service has introduced the first triangular stamps.  "Sounds
fine," says the Daily Scoop.  "We are just worried about those postal
workers who, how shall we say it, don't react to change very well."

"In an unfortunate side effect, letters with the stamp that are addressed
to Bermuda mysteriously disappear." (Bob Mills)

In new guidelines for schools, the US Department of Education says that when
a 6-year-old pecks a classmate on the cheek, it is not sexual harassment.
"However, say the guidelines, the kissee is free to call the kisser a
'doo-doo head.'"  (Scoop)

Elsewhere in the Nation: Levi Strauss & Co. purchased a 100-year-old pair
of jeans for $25,000 for its San Francisco museum.  "They knew the jeans
were old because the tag said, 'Made in America,'" says Ecker.

Time magazine reports New York City is making a big comeback.  Its poll says
50% of New Yorkers wouldn't live anywhere else.  "The terms of their
probation don't allow it," Hamilton explains.

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