Headlines I Never Want to See
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 24 Mar 97 11:44:18 -0800
Subject: Headlines I Never Want to See
[ALERT: Celtic music jokes approaching... Proceed at your own risk! -psl]
Forwarded-by: Lani Herrmann <lanih@ranga.SIMS.Berkeley.EDU>
HEADLINES I NEVER WANT TO SEE
Scottish Scientists Clone Bagpiper
Bill Clinton Refuses Invitation to Be Guest Judge of Piano Accordion
Competition at Mayo Fleadh, Calls $50 Stipend "Deeply Insulting"
Fossil of Unicorn-Like Creature Discovered in Irish Bog
Bodhrans Can Spread Mad-Goat Disease, Say Researchers
Nameless Crud in Tin Whistles Can Be Harmful If Inhaled, Medical Conference
Belfast Cleric Claims Reading ABC's of "Bucks of Oranmore" Backwards Reveals
Surviving Gangsta Rappers Express Interest in Sean-Nos Singing
Jim Carrey Tapped to Play Lead in New Movie Version of "Portrait of the
Artist as a Young Man"
Bill Whelan, "Showboat" Producers Meet to Discuss "Old Man Riverdance"
ASCAP Decision: Michael Jackson Owns Rights to "Irish Washerwoman"
Dublin Lottery Winner: Irish Washerwoman Owns Rights to Michael Jackson
Dismembered Body of DADGAD Guitar Player Found in Dumpster; Police Not Ready
to Reveal Contents of "Suicide Note"
Scientists See Link between Banjo Playing and Impotence in Older Males
Baltimore Musician Nominates Self for Nobel Peace Prize
Dervish Leader Charged With Attempted Manslaughter After Five Set-Dancers
Collapse at Ceili
Scholars Find Oldest Recorded Kerryman Joke in Recently-Translated Dead Sea
Editorial Staff in Chaos after TREOIR Publisher Suggests Inclusion of Spicy
Centerfold to Boost Circulation
Uzbeki Scholar Alleges "Seven Drunken Nights" Insults Zoroastrian Teachings,
Calls for "Harshest Penalties" Against Singers
Diabetics Warned Against Excessive Exposure to "Danny Boy"
© 1997 Peter Langston