The Comedian's Eye View of 04/01/97
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 97 19:14:03 -0800
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 04/01/97
Excerpted-from: 04/01/97 -- ShopTalk
Tuesday April 1, 1997
"Mr. Rogers turned 69 years old today. You can tell he's
getting old because he told his TV audience, 'You can be my
neighbor but stay the hell off my lawn.'"
"This is considered April Fools. Or, as the members of the Heaven's Gate
religious cult used to call it, "Founders' Day". (Alan Ray)
"The Heaven's Gate cult lost most of its members. Investigators say the TV
show "X-Files" may have prompted their sudden suicide. During a commercial
break, Fox aired a promo for "Pauly". (Alan Ray)
Around the Country: "A motorcyclist jumped 19 buses in Phoenix on Friday,"
says Argus Hamilton. "His cycle hit the 20th bus, but he double flipped
and landed on his feet to wild applause. Then he took off his helmet, and
sure enough, it was George Bush."
After Bush's successful jump, aides said he was the first president to
parachute. "True enough, but there are other executive aviation firsts.
Dan Quayle was the first vice president to slide into a luggage carousel."
(Michael X. Ferraro)
"The Minnesota Legislature has banned same-sex marriages," says Bob Mills.
"Specifically exempted are people living in cities where the average
temperature is less than 30 below."
OJ Simpson has been ordered to hand over personal property in satisfaction
of the judgment against him. "Items include his Heisman trophy, his golf
clubs and the 3,000 unopened videos of 'The Naked Gun' in his garage."
"At least he won't lose a Super Bowl ring," observes Paul Ecker.
Show Biz as Usual: "Calendar model Pamela Anderson Lee says she left the
cast of 'Baywatch' to pursue more serious roles," says Hamilton. "This is
the first sign of a Three Stooges reunion movie."
© 1997 Peter Langston