Fun_People Archive
1 Apr
The Comedian's Eye View of 4-2-97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue,  1 Apr 97 17:42:47 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 4-2-97

Excerpted-from: 4-2-97-- ShopTalk

                         Wednesday April 2, 1997

	"You know you've entered new territory when you realize that your
	 outfit cost more than your film."
				-Jessice Yu, this year's Oscar winner
				 for Best Documentary Short Subject.


Our National Pastime: "It's that time of the year when you go to the
ballpark and feel the excitement, see the green grass, smell the peanuts
and hear the parking lot attendant say, '$8, please.'" (Paul Ecker)

"Pepsi signed a deal to be the only official drink of major league
baseball," says Argus Hamilton.  "This has some members of the New York
Yankees confused.  How in the world do you snort Pepsi?"

The New Jersey Nets' idea of using fake crowd noise is spreading. "To add
to the ambiance in Los Angeles, the Dodgers have hired extras to leave the
games early." (Cutler Daily Scoop)

Secretary of State Madeline Albright will throw out the first ball on
opening day.  "She will formally launch the season for America's sport by
tossing a ball made of Cuban horsehide stitched together in a Taiwanese
sweatshop by fourth-graders recruited in the Philippines," says Bob Mills.

In Business News: "With new evidence that RJ Reynolds' Joe Camel campaign
targets children, the tobacco company finally agreed to withdraw the
campaign and introduced its new Barney Menthol 100s." (Wolfe and Feinberg)

Money Matters: Former President Bush says he never solicited donations while
in the White House.  Says Bill Williams, "After seeing Dan Quayle's letter
that said, 'Send us the monee,' he had to give up on the idea."

The Treasury misprinted $4.6 million in new $100 bills.  "During the
confusion of campaign fundraising, President Clinton had accidentally
ordered them printed in Mandarin." (Mills)

Cirque du OJ: Sheriff's deputies seized possessions from OJ Simpson's
Brentwood mansion.  "They took his golf clubs," says the Scoop.  "Now the
mystery will never be solved."

"Deputies hauled away paintings, helmets, trophies and an unusually sharp
letter opener." (Alex Kaseberg)

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