Fun_People Archive
4 Apr
The Comedian's Eye View of 4-7-97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri,  4 Apr 97 13:48:39 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 4-7-97

Excerpted-from: 4-7-97-- ShopTalk

                         Monday April 7, 1997

	"The volcano threatens to cover L.A. with molten lava.
	 New Yorkers are calling it the feel-good movie of the year."

		- Alex Kaseberg on the movie "Volcano"


The Insurance Industry: The insurance company that issued alien abduction
policies has pulled out of the business.  "The policy would have paid off
if a policyholder was impregnated by a space alien," laments the Cutler
Daily Scoop.  "You try getting child support out of a Venusian."

"The company is still writing policies for anyone who believes their phone
rings whenever they are in the shows." (Dan Goodman)

Annals of Justice: A court-appointed fact finder has recommended a solution
in a dispute over who owns Ellis Island, site of the Statue of Liberty.
"Paul Verkull ruled that New Jersey should be awarded the tired, the poor
and the huddled masses, and New York should get the real estate."  (Bob

Kit Culkin has dropped his custody battle for Macaulay and his other
children.  "Kit said he didn't want to cause the family any more pain, and
he just realized how annoying Macaulay really is," says Goodman.

The Big Screen: "The movie 'Volcano' is set to open.  In it the entire city
of Los Angeles is nearly buried under a huge layer of floating ash and
flying embers...or, as we call it here in L.A., the beginning of barbeque
season." (Steve Voldseth)

Shooting wrapped up for the June release of "Speed 2."  "In this one Sandra
Bullock and her beau frantically try to steer a cruise liner back to shore
before Kathie Lee Gifford begins to sing." (Brian J.  Hill)

In the News: Regarding those hepatitis A-infected fruit desserts served in
some public schools, Jay Leno says, "This is what happens when you try to
make the lunches healthy with fresh fruit.  Let me ask you, you ever hear
of anyone getting a bad Twinkie?  Ever get a bad Ding-Dong, a bad Ho Ho?
No! Ever see a fruit fly on a Twinkie?  No, they don't go near them.  It's
only the fresh fruit."

Several key Republicans have asked Newt Gingrich to step down as speaker
before taking the GOP down with him.  "On the plus side, he's been hired as
a consultant on the upcoming Broadway musical 'Titanic.'" (Mills)

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