Fun_People Archive
7 Apr
The Comedian's Eye View of 04/08/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon,  7 Apr 97 23:59:52 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 04/08/97

Excerpted-from: 04/08/97 -- ShopTalk

                        Tuesday April 8, 1997

	"David Helfgott said playing for the Academy audience reminded him
	 of playing at the mental hospital.  Half the people were on
	 medication and half have delusions of grandeur."
			- Bill Maher, "Politically Incorrect"


That California Spin: "Guess you all know the big story about these tainted
strawberries making school kids sick across the country," says Jay Leno.
"Actually, a lot of kids in California  schools are still eating the
strawberries.  See, under the law here, if they get sick, they get to smoke

Suddenly not Susan:  Sixteen-time loser Susan Lucci of "All My Children"
has been nominated for a 17th Daytime Emmy.  "She's philosophic about her
chances," says Alan Ray- "'Lose some, lose some.'"

"Current reruns of old episodes will permit viewers to catch some of Lucci's
early Emmy-losing performances."  (Olympia Daily World)

"Denying Susan the Emmy is like denying Charlie Manson parole.  It's just
one of those formalities you have to go through every year or so." (Cutler
Daily Scoop)

Modern Travel: The FAA has ordered inspection of 747s after the wing flap
fell off a jet.  "Investigators have called in several highly respected
aviation experts, including Pierre Salinger." (Bob Mills)

Continental Airlines and its pilots are negotiating a new contract.  "The
labor union termed the company's first action antagonistic," says Ray.  "It
tried to feed them lunch."

The deadline for filing taxes is eight days off.  "The philosophy behind a
national income tax is from an old adage.  Congressmen cannot live on bribes
alone."  (Ray)

Government and Politics: "George Bush says he never did any fund-raising
in the White House," says the Daily Scoop.  "Jimmy Carter says the same
thing, but he does admit he lusted after campaign funds in his heart."

CNN says President Clinton was in cahoots with the Democrats in 1996.
"What an odd alliance."  (Argus Hamilton)

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