Fun_People Archive
9 Apr
The Comedian's Eye View of 04/09/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed,  9 Apr 97 13:48:28 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 04/09/97

Excerpted-from: 04/09/97 -- ShopTalk

                       Wednesday April 9, 1997

	"I was stunned -- I thought I was the only one who went to bed
	 wearing Nikes and a purple shroud."
				- David Letterman


Integrity Index: A survey of American workers found that almost half admit
to committing unethical or illegal acts at work in the past year.  "I guess
there are a few more Friends of Bill than people thought." (Alex Pearlstein)

"Fifty-six percent felt pressure from  their supervisors to act
unethically," says the Cutler Daily Scoop.  "How often do you hear things
like, 'I don't care, just get it done,' or 'Kathie Lee called and she wants
those kids back working right now or it's your neck'?"

Fourteen percent say they covered up an incident.  "Accident?  What nuclear
accident?"  (Scoop)

"Indicative of the problem, 93% of the 1,234 participating employees filled
out their questionnaires with pens they'd stolen from the supply room."
(Bob Mills)

Our Government: "Sen. Jesse Helms is digging in to bar Senate approval of
a ban on chemical weapons," says Mills.  "Fearing a precedent, he told
reporters that if poison gas is banned, next they'll claim tobacco smoke is

Fed chairman Alan Greenspan married NBC's Patricia Mitchell on Sunday.
"He's the most fascinating public speaker on the lecture circuit.  Every
time he speaks, your interest goes up."  (Argus Hamilton)

House Speaker Newt Gingrich says the IRS is inefficient- that if you call
six different offices with the same question, you get six different answers.
"But he's going to keep calling until someone tells him his $300,000 ethics
fine is deductible," Hamilton says.

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