Fun_People Archive
14 Apr
QOTD - 4/14/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 14 Apr 97 14:45:57 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: QOTD - 4/14/97

Forwarded-by: gosner@ainet.com (george osner)
Forwarded-by: mtaylor@melbourne.DIALix.oz.au (Matthew Taylor)

"He who lives in a glass house should not invite in he who is without sin."

ng love in a row boat --
 It's F--king close to water!"
      --Monty Python's Eric Idle

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
       --Catherine Zandonella

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a
pleasure.
       --Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
       --W.C. Fields

Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
       --David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
       --Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
       --Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the
time and have the time of your life.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
       --Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?  I think not.

Beer is good food.
      --John Goodman

So, you don't like jail? Naw, they got the wrong kind of bars in there.
       --Charles Bukowski

It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore

Beer: Nature's laxative.

Beer. If you can't taste it, why bother!

One more drink and I'd be under the host.
       --Dorothy Parker

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry
Manilow.
       --Dave Barry

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I
have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with
slightly over half that quantity of beer.
       --Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.
       --Dave Barry's Bad Habits, Dave Barry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen,
for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in
beer.
       --Dave Barry

My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that
workouts cut into my drinking time.
       --A Wolverine is Eating My Leg

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
       --Humphrey Bogart

Friends don't let friends drink Miller.

If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take the nothing...

Draft beer, not people!

Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig
wouldn't eat.
       --David Geary

Why is American beer served cold?
So you can tell it from urine.
       --David Moulton

A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
       --Edward Abbey

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like
to pee a lot.
       --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Put it back in the horse!
       --H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s,
	 after he drank his first American beer at a bar.

© 1997 Peter Langston