Stuff we learned from TV
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 16 Apr 97 12:52:44 -0700
Subject: Stuff we learned from TV
[And perhaps the only stuff we learned... -psl]
Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <email@example.com>
Forwarded-by: cyerkes <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Stuff we learned from TV:
-- Excerpts from the book of the same name
"He who quits and runs away will live to quit another day."
-- Corporal Agarn, F Troop
"A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is
by no means the most interesting."
-- The Doctor, Doctor Who
"Due to the shape of the North American Elk's esophagus. even if it could
speak, it could not pronounce the word lasagna."
-- Cliff Clavin, Cheers
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that
-- Jack Handey, Saturday Night Live
"I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage -- no matter how ugly and
disgusting it gets."
-- Major Frank Burns, M*A*S*H
"Before all that equality crapola, you was a sweet frightened wife."
-- Archie Bunker, All in the Family
Skipper: I'm not overweight, I just have big bones.
Gilligan: Yeah, and they're covered with big meat.
-- Gilligan's Island
"Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know."
-- Morticia, The Addams Family
"Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother."
-- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition Number 31, Deep Space Nine
"This is a cheap-shot comedy sketch, and I'll lay you odds the frog wrote it."
-- Miss Piggy, The Muppet Show
"We are more alike than unlike, my dear captain. I have pores, humans have
pores. I have fingerprints. Humans have fingerprints. My chemical nutrients
are like your blood. If you prick me , do I not... leak?"
-- Data, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Big Bird: So where's Mr. Hooper, I wanna give him this picture.
Bob: Well, Big Bird... Mr. Hooper died.
Big Bird: Oh, Okay. Well I'll give it to him when he comes back.
"I might as well be dead... Well, I'm going to bed, son. Good-night. If
I'm lucky I'll sleep until angel Gabriel wakes me up... If not, I'll see
you at the usual time."
-- Fred Sanford, Sanford & Son
Mr. T: Gimme a cup of coffee!
Waiter: How do you want it?
Mr. T: In a cup, fool!
"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
-- Mork, Mork and Mindy
Dancing's never been one of my strong points. I guess you could
say I have two left feet.
That's what happens when they put something together in the dark.
-- The Munsters
"You know, medicine is not an exact science, but we are learning all the
time. Why, just fifty years ago they thought a disease like your daughter's
was caused by demonic possession or witchcraft. But nowadays, we know that
Isabelle is suffereing from an imbalance of bodily humors, perhaps caused
by a toad or a small dwarf living in her stomach."
-- Theodoric of York, Saturday Night Live
© 1997 Peter Langston