Fun_People Archive
25 Apr
Stan Freberg Here (where?)

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 25 Apr 97 16:26:30 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Stan Freberg Here (where?)

[There's a Stan Freberg web site and a mailing list (no surprise) populated  
by people who, like me, know that the proper response to "Strange, he left by  
the balcony." is "Force of habit, I guess..."  If you'd like to join, or  
look at the archives, here's a bit of info:

    To subscribe, send email to <> with
    "subscribe freberg" in the body of the message.

    To view the webpage, use your web browser to go to

    To retrieve an archive of previously-posted messages, send email to with "get freberg archive" in the body, or see

I looked at the archive, hoping to find some transcriptions of the  
syndicated radio show "Stan Freberg Here" and I found a ton of interesting  
stuff, including the following.  -psl]


(PROG #25-97, AIR 2-4-97)
"A Few More Statistics..."

     Stan Freberg here with a few statistics from Harper's Index. First,
number of Bill Clinton waffles a California bakery has sold since their
introduction last September: 50,000. Checking Bill's waistline, why do I
think most of them went directly to the White House? Be right back.

     Freberg again with more statistics. Number by which Americans who
watched last year's Super Bowl exceeded those who voted in November?
43,000,000. Hmm. Talk about getting your priorities in order.

     Next, years after model Naomi Campbell said "I'd rather go naked
than wear fur," that she posed for a 10-page fur spread in "W" Magazine?
2! 2 comment.

     Rank of Taurus among the astrological signs of people most likely
to use the Internet? 1. Rank of Aries among the astrological signs of
people most likely to be in an automobile accident? 1. Ooohh-kay, slow
down, Aries, and make sure your seat belt is fastened. Better yet, stay
home and use the Internet.

     Next, number of children Ted Turner laid off during his merger with
Time Warner? 1. Yeah, I heard when his son asked him at breakfast how
the merger would affect him, Turner told him, "You're toast." Pretty
rough, Ted; but maybe Turner just said, "pass the toast." Whatever.

     Finally, amount spent each year on electricity to operate all the
"Exit" signs in the U.S.? One billion bucks! Speaking of that, it's time
to exit.

     Stan Freberg here.

(c)1997, Freberg, Ltd. (but not very). Dist. by Dick Brescia Assoc.


(AIR DATE: 2/10/97)

    Stan Freberg here. Well, "STAR WARS" is back on the big screen once
again. Technically, George Lucas has outdone himself. However, my voice
is _not_ in it. Be right back. [SPOT BREAK]

    Freberg again. I'm glad to see the great reception being given George
Lucas's classic space epic, but I can't think of "STAR WARS" without
remembering that I was almost in it! Well, my _voice_ almost was.

    20 years ago, before "STAR WARS" was first released, George Lucas, who
was a fan of my "U.S.A." album, asked me to come into a looping soundstage.
    "I want you to replace the voice of one of the robots," he said. "He's
called 'C-3PO'."
    "Okay," I said, "what's wrong with the voice that's already in there?"
Lucas shrugged. He then ran a clip of the two robots talking. Actually, the
smaller one, R2D2, just talked in a series of electronic beeps. But the
tall one, all gold-plated, was the problem to Lucas.

    "R2D2, what are you doing? Oh, dear, watch where you're rolling!" Okay.
I stood at the mike and tried different voices while Lucas listened in the
booth. I finally hit on one he sorta liked, but me and my big mouth, I said,
"Look, George, the actor is British. That's just the way they talk over
there. You want some advice? Leave it alone! The voice of 'C-3PO' is

    George Lucas DID leave it alone, it WAS perfect, and THAT'S how I aced
myself out of "STAR WARS"!

    Stan Freberg here.

(c)1997, Freberg, Ltd. (but not very). Dist. by Dick Brescia Assoc.


[Many more shows skipped in here...  -psl]

(Prg. #81-97, Air 4-23-97)

     Stan Freberg here. Here are some bad enviornmental ideas that
backfired, and some that were called off in the nick of time. Be right
back. [SPOT BREAK]

     Freberg here. In 1962, Dr. Edward Teller lobbied hard to detonate a
series of nuclear explosives under the Arctic ice in Alaska, in order to
blast open a giant shipping harbor on a frozen stretch of coastline.
Fortunately, the Eskimos caught on, and forced the government to scrap
the idea. And in 1978, the California state Senate endorsed the idea of
towing icebergs across the Pacific, to provide fresh water to
drought-stricken California. A Rand Corporation plan called for "iceberg
trains," driven by electric propellers, and powered by a floating
nuclear plant. Hmm.

    Next, in 1978, James Schlesinger, chairman of the Atomic Energy
Commission, suggested shooting high-level radioactive waste into the
sun, from aboard the space shuttle. Um-hmm. Just drop that in the
suggestion box, Jim, thank you.

    And in the 1960s, the World Health Organization decided to clean up
Borneo's mosquito and cockroach problem by spraying large amounts of
DDT. The dangerous pesticide killed the mosquitos, but _didn't_ kill the
cockroaches, which the lizards ate. Then the cats ate the lizards, and
died. So millions of rats descended on Borneo, and threatened an
outbreak of bubonic plague. The U.S. had to parachute in _new_cats_ to
control the rats!

    That's SCIENCE working for _YOU!_
    Stan Freberg here.

(c)1997, Freberg, Ltd. (but not very). Dist. by Dick Brescia Assoc.


(Prg. #83-97, Air 4-24-97)

     Stan Freberg here. The average payout by the Tooth Fairy is up
from a buck per baby tooth to a buck seventy five. Hmm. When _I_ was
a kid, it was a quarter. "A _quarter_? Get _with_ it, Dad!" Be right
back. [SPOT BREAK]

     Freberg again. You know how it works: you lose a tooth, put it
under your pillow, and sometime in the night the Tooth Fairy creeps in
and leaves some money. Anywhere from a quarter to a buck. That's the
drill. But a new survey on baby tooth economics shows that the payout,
adjusted for inflation, is up from a buck per tooth in 1990, to a buck
seventy five.

     The survey was commissioned by William Hartell, a St. Louis
dentist. It shows that children from families with over $60,000 in
income got the same from the Tooth Fairy as those from families with
income of less than $15,000. It says that's because the first kid in a
class who loses a tooth sets the standard.

     But a former English professor and Tooth Fairy consultant, Rosemary
Wells, says all this attention on Tooth Fairy prices sets her teeth on
edge. "I hate Tooth Fairy studies that focus on nothing but monetary
exchange," she says. Tooth Fairy _STUDIES_? How many have there _been_?
Dr. Wells's Tooth Fairy Museum has more than 500 pieces of memorabilia--
Tooth Fairy dolls, little velvet bags to stash teeth in...

     Now I'm imagining the Tooth Fairy creeping up in the middle of the
night, during these violent times:
     "Okay, _freeze_!"
     "Freeze? I'm the Tooth Fairy!"
     "Yeah? A likely story. Drop the wand, honey--we're going downtown!"

     Stan Freberg here.

(c)1997, Freberg, Ltd. (but not very)/Dist. by Dick Brescia Associates.

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