Fun_People Archive
7 May
Thrtee Unrelated Stories

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed,  7 May 97 14:12:13 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Thrtee Unrelated Stories

Forwarded-by: "Mills, Rea" <ream@gil.net>

An Avon lady was alone in an elevator when suddenly she had to fart. She
promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two
floors later, a gentleman got on the elevator.  He began to sniff, and the
Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something?" "Well, yes I do," he replied.
"What does it smell like?" The bemused gentleman answered, "I'm not sure,
but it kinda smells like someone crapped in a pine tree."

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While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.
He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the
overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the
tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"  "Naw," the man
hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling much relieved,
the tourist yelled back "That's amazing!" and started swimming leisurely
toward the shore.  The beachcomber looked confused and, when the tourist
was about halfway to the shore, shouted back "Why?  Don't the sharks eat
gators where you come from?"

####################################################

The owner of a pet store was working on a man who had wandered in:  "This
is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars." The
man said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking-dog stuff?
There ain't no such animal." Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his
eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys
me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the
richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army
and was decorated ten times." "Hey!" said the man. "He *can* talk. Why do
you want to sell him for just five dollars?" "Because," said the owner, "I'm
getting tired of all his lies."

© 1997 Peter Langston