Fun_People Archive
12 May
Post-Cold War Pentagon Ad

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 12 May 97 12:39:52 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Post-Cold War Pentagon Ad

Forwarded-by: (Albert B. Stewart)
Forwarded-by: John Isaacs <>


     ENEMY WANTED -- Mature, lonely, North American superpower seeks
     hostile-sounding and muscular-looking but internally moribund
     nation for international competitive bluster, mutual threat
     inflation, political-military gymnastics, and general bellicose
     finger pointing. Looking to fill post-Cold War ennui and lost
     missile envy. Scare-mongers who relish dogmatic confrontation,
     able to appear 10-ft. tall, and willing to build real and
     imaginary mirror image weapon systems need only apply. Must appear
     sufficiently menacing to frighten more money and previous Cold War
     era weapon systems out of Congress, but must threaten only
     opponent's marginal interests, and must not present any real
     intellectual challenge. Accompaniment by fierce, Third World
     allies who know how to fight is also not desirable. Oafish, senile
     leaders definitely a plus.  Possession of large, phallic ballistic
     missiles (large throw weight only), and/or chem-bio also a plus --
     willful violations of feckless arms control agreements will earn
     continuing thanks.  Location: preferably near enough to threaten
     petroleum and trade markets to ensure perpetual business as usual.
      Reply with videos of goose-stepping troops, parade optimized tank
     battalions, U.S. flag burnings, chanting, dazed eyed crowds, and
     haranguing, incoherent speeches. Send c/o "Shali," The Pentagon,
     Washington, DC. Please no publicity shy competents or third world
     nations that have previously embarrassed advertiser.


John Isaacs
Council for a Livable World
110 Maryland Avenue, NE  Suite 409
Washington, DC  20002

V: (202) 543-4100
F: (202) 543-6297

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