Fun_People Archive
12 May
The Comedian's Eye View of 05/13/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 12 May 97 17:44:20 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 05/13/97
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Excerpted-from: 05/13/97 -- ShopTalk

                         Tuesday May 13, 1997

Inside the Beltway: Newt Gingrich says he is changing his focus to drugs,
teen pregnancy and education.  "That could land him back in front of the
House Ethics Committee," says Argus Hamilton.  "It's a federal crime to
imitate the president."

"Newt's turning into Clinton, Clinton's turning into Newt, Washington is
turning into an 'X-Files' episode." (Cutler Daily Scoop)

The Justice Department says a crackdown on trademark fraud targeting
counterfeits of Nike, Calvin Klein and other products has netted 35
indictments.  "The feds knew they had a fake pair of Nikes on their hands
when they found the words 'Made in America' stamped on the bottom," says
the Funny Firm.

Around the Country: The Las Vegas Hilton plans a new attraction, Star Trek:
The Experience.  "Deal me in, Scottie." (Jenny Church)

Talk show host Jerry Springer quit his new job as a news commentator in
Chicago.  "After just two appearances, Springer became frustrated when he
realized there were no cross-dressing schizophrenic skin-heads who cheat on
their mates in the real world."  (Alex Kaseberg)

Lucy Lawless, who portrays Xena, Warrior Princess, on the TV show, sang the
national anthem at an NHL playoff game last week in Anaheim and when she
finished singing, she threw her arms up in exuberance.  Suddenly she was
topless -- for one brief shining moment -- in front of thousands of fans.
Says Jay Leno: "Even Eddie Murphy could tell she was a woman."

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