The Comedian's Eye View of 05/28/97
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 28 May 97 11:23:39 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 05/28/97
Excerpted-from: 05/28/97 -- ShopTalk
Wednesday May 28, 1997
Science Solves Major Mystery: A group of Swiss doctors has published a
description in the journal Neurology of a new disorder they call "gourmand
syndrome." It is a food obsession linked to brain injuries. "That explains
the ease with which some people pay $4.25 for a cup of coffee and steamed
The industry: "'Beowulf,' the most confusing epic in the English language,
will soon be a major motion picture," says Bob Harris. "Faced with making
a big-budget fantasy out of indecipherable dialogue and an incomprehensible
plot, the producers are reportedly trying to hire the entire cast and crew
of 'The Fifth Element'"
"'The Lost World' has opened. The dinosaurs smash of San Diego," says the
Cutler Daily Scoop. "Haven't seen that mush terror and confusion in San
Diego since the GOP convention."
"'The Lost World' is very, very scary. The scariest part is halfway
through, Spielberg gives us a shot of his bank account." (Daily Scoop)
The Mouseketeers are suing Disney for back royalties. "M-I-C...See you in
court! K-E-Y...Why? Because we want our money, that's why." (Scoop)
Across the Pond: M15, the British Intelligence service, placed an
advertisement for spies. "They have a very high turnover," explains the
Daily Scoop. "There have been five 007s alone."
Signs of British rule diminish as Hong Kong prepares to revert to Chinese
control. "Already one can sense that the British are leaving," says Mills.
"The food is better."
Around the Country: The Florida Highway Patrol's strategy for cutting down
on weekend accidents--free pizza. Troopers at safety checkpoints hand out
Pizza Hut slices to safe motorists. "Police would like to hand out Domino's
pizza as well," says Wheeler, "but their delivery people are just too fast
Continental's pilots have rejected an offer for a 10% pay increase. "In
addition to the raise, they want incentive pay for landing at the right
airports." (Paul Steinberg)
The Indiana Department of Motor Vehicles will open 36 ATM-type self-help
machines across the state, says Bill Williams. "Engineers worked years to
develop a machine that tells you you are in the wrong line."
© 1997 Peter Langston