Fun_People Archive
30 May
The Comedian's Eye View of 06/02/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 30 May 97 19:14:49 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 06/02/97

Excerpted-from: 06/02/97 -- ShopTalk

                         Monday June 2, 1997

     "The prophesies in the Bible make it seem to millions of us all around
      the world that we are in that final countdown. We're heading to
      one-world government, one-world economy, and an Antichrist world
      dictatorship. Some say it's bleak, but to me it's not.  I'm an
      optimist. It's like I just had a root canal the other day, and I
      detested the idea, but it had to be handled. It was getting worse.
      And now I'm entering a new era in my mouth."
                             - Pat Boone on the future of the world


A thought for Today: "Frank Gifford with a flight attendant, Michael Kennedy
with a sitter, Dick Morris with a hooker.  The legacy of the administration
is taking shape.  The Clinton Memorial will be a statue called Hefner's last
stand."  (Argus Hamilton)

Camel in Doghouse: The Federal Trade Commission is moving to outlaw Joe
Camel, charging R.J. Reynolds is illegally inducing children to smoke.
"impressed by his track record with kids, Joe's already fielding offers from
the Cali Cartel," says the Cutler Daily Scoop.

"The FTC cited RJR internal documents showing that 86% of children 10 to 17
recognize Joe Camel.  What's worse is that only 20% recognized any of their
teachers."  (Alex Kaseberg)

Military Matters: At the president's meeting in France about NATO, Boris
Yeltsin said he is removing all the nuclear warheads aimed at the U.S.
"This is big news for the U.S., but bad news for Tom Clancy."  (Bill Maher)

"The Pentagon says three military bases in Kansas should stay open.  But
that Navy port has gotta go." (Daily Scoop)

"What do you call an Army drill sergeant who reenlists? A repeat offender."
(Alan Ray)

"A USA Today/CNN poll found 53% of the public disapproved of the way the
Air Force handled the Kelly Flinn case," says the Daily Scoop.  "Going up
against Iraqis is one thing.  Going up against '60 Minutes' is another."

Coffee prices are at a 20-year high, says Alex Pearlstein.  "It's all clear
to me now.  I wondered why Anna-Nicole Smith was cozying up to Juan Valdez
like that."

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