The Comedian's Eye View of 6-20-97
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 19 Jun 97 17:26:31 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 6-20-97
Excerpted-from: 6-20-97- ShopTalk
Friday June 20, 1997
"The WNBA begins. It's really nothing that new.
A group of women do the same work as men and get
paid a lot less."
How You Know You're in L.A.: the Mets and the Yankees are meeting in New
York, while Chicago's White Sox and Cubs slug it out there. Fans arrive
early dressed in team colors and cheer wildly. "Meanwhile, angels and
Dodgers ticket-holders struggle to see who can arrive latest, look hippest,
leave earliest and see a moment of the game between French eclairs and
cappuccino with extra foam." (Jerry Perisho)
Brad Pitt and Gwyneth Paltrow have broken off their engagement. The
Hollywood couple thinks counseling might repair the relationship. Both have
agreed to see a publicist." (Alan Ray)
"Sad news," says Jay Leno. "I hope he can find himself another girl."
A judge ruled O.J. Simpson has to sell his gold clubs to pay off some of
the $33.5 million judgment against him. Says Leno, "Those golf clubs, they
can be worth millions of dollars. 'Cause they're not ordinary clubs. With
those babies, you can play golf at night."
Baptists versus Hollywood: The Southern Baptist convention voted to boycott
Disney films because of the company's gay friendly policy. "To appease the
group, Disney has added an eighth dwarf- Bubba the gay basher." (Alex
"The eight dwarfs are named Happy, Sneezy, Dopey, Bashful, Sleepy, Doc,
Grumpy and Self-Righteous." (Ray)
The Baptists are mad that Disney hosted a "gay days" event. "Don't worry.
Disney says it is perfectly willing to hold Small Minds Days too."
Around the Country: "Legislation has been introduced to decriminalize
consensual sex acts in the military," says Bob Mills. "Under new
regulations being drafted for the Army, adultery will be re-categorized
and listed under 'night maneuvers.'"
Republicans in Washington have unveiled another plan to dismantle the
National Endowment for the Arts. "Under a provision offered by Sens. Jesse
Helms and Strom Thurmond, square dancers, musical saw players and Elvis on
velvet painters would continue to receive federal funding." (Mills)
"House Republicans are going through their annual ritual. Their posturing
could actually qualify them for an NEA performance grant." (Paul Steinberg)
When police in Clearwater, Florida, pulled over a weaving car, they
discovered it was being driven by a 4-foot iguana assisted by a drunk.
'Actually, it was even worse. The iguana was talking on a cell phone at
the time." (Steinberg)
Top features of the new San Francisco casino in Las Vegas, according to
Buddy Baron: "Valet parking charges you $200 a day...Virtual reality city
tour includes 45-minute delay on the Bay Bridge...If you don't lose enough
money gambling, they threaten to move the casino to L.A."
© 1997 Peter Langston