Fun_People Archive
1 Sep
Dear Abby - from Shameless in Seattle

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon,  1 Sep 97 13:59:07 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Dear Abby - from Shameless in Seattle

Forwarded-by: Larry Yaeger <>

Dear Abby,

     I am writing to your advice-column because of a serious problem I am
facing. You see, I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U.S. Marines. My
mother peddles Nazi literature to Girl Scouts and my father (a former
dentist) is in jail for 30 years for raping most of his patients while they
were under anesthesia. The sole supporters of our large family, including
myself and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pick-pocket
Benny "The Fingers") and my aunt and kid sisters, who are well-known
     My problem is this: I have just gotten engaged to the most beautiful,
sweetest girl in the world. She is just sweet sixteen, and we are going to
marry as soon as she can escape from reform school. To support ourselves,
we are going to move to Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory
staffed by child labor. We look forward to bringing our kids into the family
     But--I am worried that my family will not make a good impression on
her, once she has a chance to meet them. In your opinion, Abby, should I
or shouldn't I let her know about my cousin who works for Microsoft?

Shameless in

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