A Bit of BONG Bull No. 435!
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 3 Sep 97 04:19:28 -0700
Subject: A Bit of BONG Bull No. 435!
Excerpted-from: BONG Bull No. 435!
THE BURNED-OUT NEWSPAPERCREATURES GUILD'S NEWSLETTER
Copyright (c) 1997 by BONG. All rights reserved.
To subscribe: Email to email@example.com. In the text say
ANNOUNCING THE LATEST SECRET SOCIETY. Keith Dawson, editor of the online
newsletter Tasty Bits from the Technology Front (http://www.tbtf.com/),
delved where no one should go.
It is whispered in certain journalistic circles, he alleges, that one
of the newest ancient fraternities is The Invisible Hand Society, "a shadowy
association of journalists whose sole reason for organizing is to foster
competition in getting past their respective editors and into print the
phrase 'It was as if an invisible hand...' The original popularizer of the
invisible hand was Adam Smith, in his book 'The Wealth of Nations,' (1776).
"Apocryphal? Real? Any BONGers in the membership? How do I apply?" asks
The Chief Copyboy knows nothing and wouldn't tell if he did. As for
joining, that's simple if also difficult: Use the phrase, then shut up.
HANDS OFF AUNT IDA. Bart M. Smith of the News-Review in Roseburg, Ore.,
declared: "Small-town news can't be beat. When I was editor and publisher
of the weekly Whitefish (Mont.) Pilot, the best read item in the paper was
a country correspondent column by Ida Hunnewell, of tiny Olney, Mont. Her
grammar was unusual, but well- loved. When I took over the job, no fewer
than a dozen people stopped by to say, 'We know what you're thinking, but
don't you dare take Ida's column out or change it.'
"I took their advice and for the 10 years I was there, and for long
after, I hope, Ida used to regale readers with such items as, 'The mill is
closed because of hunting season. Hope all the men got their meat.'
"I was once told by a visiting native who was a member of a downhill
ski club in Dallas, Texas, one of the largest in the country, that the club
regularly opened its meetings with a reading from Ida."
The Membership and Lost Aces Committee phoned the Whitefish Pilot on
Wednesday to check on Ida, and no one picked up the phone. Could it be
hunting season again?
ARTISTS COMMUNE ON A DIFFERENT PLANE. Athena Forrest reported, "I work the
night shift as a copy editor at the Akron (Ohio) Beacon Journal. One night,
in the middle of a conversation with one of our artists, who is also a
science fiction buff, he handed me a thick file of photos.
"What's this for?" I asked.
"Read it," he replied.
I complied, and it said, "Eggs."
I looked at him quizzically.
"These are the Eggs-files," he explained.
© 1997 Peter Langston