What to Say When You're Caught. . .
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 97 22:01:03 -0700
Subject: What to Say When You're Caught. . .
Forwarded-by: "Dan 'Dante' Tenenbaum" <email@example.com>
(further forwards lost)
WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE CAUGHT LOOKING AT ANOTHER WOMAN
- Submitted by Jane Smith
A personal guide to what men should say when caught looking at another woman
by wife or girlfriend.
- I can't believe that outfit she is wearing. (Said disdainfully)
- Look at that guy... over there... behind the woman.
- I think that's a man dressed as a woman! (Incredulous)
- Isn't that the actress from the movie Delicatessen?
(Chances are she hasn't seen that movie- and neither have you,
but you will get brownie points naming a foreign film,
and it will be just obtuse enough to distract her.
- I think that's the girl I knew from high school who eventually
joined a convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out
to be a real nut case.
- Help me, I got something in my eye... can't see a thing!
- I was staring off into space because I was about to have an
epiphany about the direction of my life and the nature of my
love for you, but its gone now, thank you very much!
- Hey, that's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you.
Boy am I glad I ever got away from her. What a moron.
- I know you're probably thinking I was staring at a beautiful
woman, but to me she is like one of those fancy bakery cakes
that looks good, but then you have a bite and it is so sweet
that it makes you sick. She makes me sick. (It helps if you
convulse a little at the end here.. maybe it will camouflage
- I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her - since she can
never hold a candle to you (this one might only get you punched,
but it's worth a try).
- Do you think she's prettier than me? (a taste of her own medicine)
© 1997 Peter Langston