Macintosh News - not fresh, but with an attitude
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 17 Sep 97 12:11:45 -0700
Subject: Macintosh News - not fresh, but with an attitude
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Subject: They'll be reprinting the lyric sheet for Tambourine Man soon.
I received a frantic call this morning from a friend in Toronto who is a
freelance music journalist. He had been up most of the night trying to
salvage one of the most important stories in his career. It seems that after
requesting an interview several weeks ago with Bob Dylan (who makes it a
habit of NOT granting interviews), he received an unexpected call from Bob,
himself on Thursday evening. Being somewhat unprepared, he quickly turned
on his microcassette and held it up to the receiver to begin recording his
surprise half-hour telephone interview.
Unfortunately, upon listening back to his tape, he found that he was only
able to hear about 20 per cent of the conversation. His dilemma was how to
extract a usable interview from the excessive background noise introduced
by the microcassette and a noisy long distance phone line.
Enter Macintosh. I loaded his tape into Macromedia Deck 2.6 and proceeded
to reconstruct his interview line by line. The majority of Dylan's dialog
was almost entirely buried in background noise but with careful use of
normalizing and equalization I was able to deliver a cassette that was about
95 percent legible (not an easy feat with Bob's dialog). The story will now
go to print later this week thanks to Macintosh.
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Subject: developing major pestilences for the Mac platform.
Jobs, Satan announce deal
"The era of competition between good and evil is over," Steve Jobs told a
keynote audience at MacWorld Expo today. "We have to let go of the notion
that for good to triumph, evil must perish."
In a presentation that had been anxiously awaited by the Mac community, Jobs
announced a historic deal between Apple Computer and Satan, Lord of Darkness
and Supreme Ruler of the Empire of Evil.
During his short speech to a stunned crowd, Jobs said that Satan will be
purchasing $150M worth of Apple staff's souls, at the current market price.
"I have Lucifer's word that he will not use his control over these souls to
influence the direction we take in any way."
Furthermore, said Jobs, Satan will not be able to cash in any of the
immortal souls for three whole years.
The Antichrist then addressed the room via a live link from the Pits of
Hell, and said that the Empire of Evil is committed to developing major
pestilences for the Mac platform -- including Office 98 -- for at least the
next five years.
A collaboration on destroying the Sun is also part of the deal with the Lord
Jobs said that Mac users should be grateful for the happiness that an
honest, widely-respected and much-loved organization like The Eternal Pit
of Torment will bring to the Mac community.
In the wake of the announcement, Apple's stock lept 30 pieces of silver over
the previous day's high.
Welcome Apple Refugees!
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From: Apple Developer News <email@example.com>
Subject: Steve Jobs Named Interim CEO
Steve Jobs Named Interim CEO
At its first regularly scheduled meeting last week, Apple's new Board of
Directors formalized the role of Steve Jobs by naming him interim Chief
Executive Officer of the Company until a new CEO is named.
At this meeting, the Board of Directors also met with its executive
recruiter, John Thompson of Heidrick & Struggles, to review the status of
its search for a CEO. The Board expects that a new CEO will be named before
the end of the year.
Jobs, Apple's co-founder and newly appointed member of the Board, has been
serving as an advisor to Apple's Board and executive management team for
You can read the complete press release at
© 1997 Peter Langston