Fun_People Archive
17 Sep
CPI I (Common Programming Instruction Interface) Spec

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 17 Sep 97 16:50:55 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: CPI I (Common Programming Instruction Interface) Spec

Forwarded-by: (Sarah Gowan)

		CPI (Common Programming Instructions)

 Assembler programs are written with short abbreviations called MNEMONICS,
 e.g. instead of writing LOAD ACCUMULATOR, the programmer writes LDA.  These
 instructions are frequently abbreviated into total incomprehensibility.

 Of course, we all know that the abbreviations are arbitrary.  But anyone
 who has spent any time programming in assembler knows that all computers
 can be programmed using an undocumented set of instruction mnemonics.
 Frequently when an error is made writing a program in assembler a user can
 actually see the program executing the undocumented instructions.

 These instructions vary from machine from machine, but all computers have
 a certain set of them in common.  As a service to humanity, I am here
 revealing these common instructions for the first time.

     ARG : Agree to Run Garbage
     BDM : Branch and Destroy Memory
     CMN : Convert to Mayan Numerals
     DDS : Damage Disk and Stop
     EMR : Emit Microwave Radiation
     ETO : Emulate Toaster Oven
     FSE : Fake Serious Error
     GSI : Garble Subsequent Instructions
     GQS : Go Quarter Speed
     HCF : Halt and Catch Fire
     HEM : Hide Evidence of Malfunction
     IDD : Inhale Dust and Die
     IKI : Ignore Keyboard Input
     IMU : Irradiate and Mutate User
     ITI : Ignore This Instruction
     JPF : Jam Paper Feed
     JUM : Jeer at User's Mistake
     KFP : Kindle Fire in Printer
     LNM : Launch Nuclear Missles
     MAW : Make Aggravating Whine
     NNI : Neglect Next Instruction
     OBU : Overheat and Burn if Unattended
     PNG : Pass Noxious Gas
     QWF : Quit Working Forever
     QVC : Question Valid Command
     RWD : Read Wrong Device
     SCE : Simulate Correct Execution
     SDJ : Send Data to Japan
     SFM : Spindle, Fold, & Mutilate
     TTC : Tangle Tape and Crash
     UBC : Use Bad Chip
     VDP : Violate Design Parameters
     VMB : Verify and Make Bad
     WAF : Warn After Fact
     XID : eXchange Instruction with data
     YII : Yield to Irresistible Impulse
     ZAM : Zero All Memory

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