Public Bathroom Madness
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 13 Oct 97 14:17:27 -0700
Subject: Public Bathroom Madness
[I've passed over this item several times in the last few weeks because it
struck as being predictable and not very funny. This time, for some reason,
I read number 7, visualized the scene, and cracked up. I guess I finally
got into the spirirt of it. I'm still not sure it's funny, but on the
off-chance that you're in the spirirt of it already... -psl]
Forwarded-by: "Jack D. Doyle" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
20 Ways to Annoy Public Bathroom Stallmates
1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,
"May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a
bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"
6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope
into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under
the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet
paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,
"Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."
14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand
over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze
the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and
blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.
15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am
I gonna do?"
17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-
Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can
see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free!"
© 1997 Peter Langston