You Always Remember Your First
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 97 17:16:25 -0700
Subject: You Always Remember Your First
Forwarded-by: Nev Dull <email@example.com>
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Subject: Re: Phone problems
From: email@example.com (Aaron, just Aaron)
Andy Collier <firstname.lastname@example.org.XXXXX wrote:
> You'll find busy lines are quite commonplace with almost any of
> the "big guys" -- while they are an exception here.
I remember my first ISP. You always remember your first. Halcyon.com in
Seattle. So quick, so light, so ... responsive. She was never too busy
for me. It felt almost wrong, we were both so young. But how can love be
wrong? It was a magical time.
Then we were ripped apart. I moved to Boulder, for a job. How many
relationships have been ruined by money? We tried to pretend at first, we
told each other that nothing would change, it would just be a long distance
relationship. But I couldn't afford the phone bills, and there was the time
zone difference. So we had to face reality, and parted ways.
I soon discovered that I can't bear to be alone. There was an emptiness in
my life. I tried reading the Halcyon newsgroups from work, but of course
I was blocked. Probably best, it was an unhealthy thing to do. What was
next, fly to Seattle and stand outside the POP, in the rain?
I searched the yellow pages, hoping I could find a relationship that way.
But I was fearful. What if long distance got in the way again? Then I
found what I thought I needed. Netcom. They were everywhere! I could
travel, or change jobs, and never be without my provider. And they wanted
me. They told me so, right on the phone.
It was a relief, but looking back I'm sure it was a rebound relationship.
And I kept getting mixed signals from Netcom, busy signals. She said she
wanted me, but at the same time she implied that she wouldn't be creating
any new shell accounts. But a shell account was the foundation of our
relationship. I felt insecure, I couldn't be sure she'd always support a
shell account. And she was always after me to use this GUI. She said she
could get it for me for free. Well, what you do with yourself in the
privacy of your POP is up to you, I won't judge, but I'm just not into that
I finally had to leave, she gave me one busy signal too many. I cancelled
without even taking my files.
Well, then started a time in my life I'm not too proud of. I bummed around
from ISP to ISP, anyone who had a POP, local or national, I didn't care.
I was a slut.
It got to the point where I couldn't even remember the name of the ISP I
was with. I woke up one morning, bleary eyed, staring at my monitor, and
couldn't even remember what state my ISP was in, or even if it was in the
East or the West.
I'd hit bottom. Next stop Hell.
I cancelled my account by sending mail to support; I don't even know who's
support it was. Still don't.
Somehow I hooked up with Dimensional. We've both been around. We don't
ask too much from each other, give each other a lot of space. I think the
key to a lasting relationship is realistic expectations, of both yourself
and your partner. And never be too busy for each other.
The keyboarding is satisfying. Nothing wild, just ten fingers up, 101 keys
down. It works for us.
But sometimes, when I'm keyboarding late at night, I think of Halcyon. You
always remember your first.
© 1997 Peter Langston