Fun_People Archive
6 Dec
The Comedian's-eye View of 12/08/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat,  6 Dec 97 12:35:40 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 12/08/97

Excerpted-from: 12/08/97 -- ShopTalk

                        Monday December 8, 1997

     "The decision was made to transport Ted Kaczynski's cabin by truck,
      since the post office was understandably reluctant to mail anything
      from that address."
				- Craig Kilborn, The Daily Show

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Disney Chairman Michael Eisner cashed in $565 million in stock options. Says
Paul Ecker, "He can now afford to shop at the Disney Store."

"The FDA has formally approved irradiation as a way of preventing bacteria
in meat," Mills says. "Housewives applaud the decision. Now they will be
able to count the hamburgers in the freezer without opening the door."

"In a surprising move, the Golden State Warriors have granted Latrell
Sprewell's wish and traded him--to the WWF. In return, the Warriors get
Randy "Macho Man" Savage and a masked goon to be named later.  Meanwhile,
Sprewell has been instructed by the WWF to begin a steroid program and
choreography classes immediately. (Ken Roberts, KVOA-TV)

The Ted Kaczynski media circus as sung to the theme song of "The Beverly
Hillbillies"....

  Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Ted
  A poor mountaineer who blew up people -dead
  He was out one day, lightin' a fuse...
  And soon he became...bigger than news.....

	With a black soul,
	defective and free.....

  Well the next thing you know ol' Ted's a hunted man,
  His kinfolks say that he's a wack-o man,
  They said "Californey" is the place he outta be,
  So they locked him up and threw away the key.....

Anthony Watts
KHSL-TV

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© 1997 Peter Langston