Fun_People Archive
7 Jan
The Comedian's-eye View of 01/08/98

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed,  7 Jan 98 18:41:05 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 01/08/98

Excerpted-from: 01/08/98 -- ShopTalk

                         Thursday January 8, 1998

   "President Clinton held a press conference to announce the name of his
    dog, Buddy.  You know, if I'm that dog, I'm going to be a little nervous,
    because I believe most of President Clinton's buddies are in jail."
			- David Letterman


Tastes Great, Less Driving: An Ohio judge ordered a habitual drunk-driving
offender to move within walking distance of a liquor store.  The judge said
he couldn't think of any other way to keep the guy from driving drunk.
"Hello?  How about jail?" (Jay Leno)

Tastes Great, Less Drowning: Three men whose boat capsized in Florida were
rescued after hanging onto their ice chest until help arrived.  "Typical
guys.  The boat's going down in the middle of the ocean and they're
thinking, 'Save the beer!'"  (Leno)

"Monday's earthquake scared one tourist so much he actually ran into a
theater showing "The Postman."  (Leno)

The New, Nicer IRS: "The IRS has come up with new greetings to compete with
Ed McMahon: 'You may already be a loser.'" (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Self-Destructing Harry: "Woody has also begun his next autobiographical
movie; it's called 'Father of the Bride.'" (Leno)

Canonized by the Media: Princess Di's family will charge people to visit
Diana's grave, tour a Diana museum, then lunch at a restaurant converted
stable.  "It's right near the manger where she was born." (Argus Hamilton)

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