Fun_People Archive
11 Jan
The inevitable crass jokes about politicians skiing (part 1)

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 11 Jan 98 21:29:02 -0800
To: Fun_People
Precedence: bulk
Subject: The inevitable crass jokes about politicians skiing (part 1)

Forwarded-by: Cal Herrmann <>
Forwarded-by: Lisa Ratmansky <>
Forwarded-by: Pamela Inglesby <>
[further forwards deleted (out of thoughtlessness?)]


Mike:  They say that we can't go down the hill,
       Before we go we should really write a will.

Sonny: Well I don't know if all that's true,
       Watch out for that bush, 'cause I think it really grew.

Sonny: Tree
Both:  I hit you, tree.
       I hit you, tree.

Mike:  They say football on skis is really dumb,
       Before we know it we'll both be very numb.

Sonny: I guess that's so, the wind's in our hair,
       You did the sitter, but, baby, I did Cher.

Sonny: Tree
Both:  I hit you, tree.
       I hit you, tree.

Mike:  I got flowers on my grave.
       It was stupid, but baby, we seemed brave.

Sonny: And we weren't drunk, just acting like clowns.
       We didn't see the tree, but we sure found the ground.

Mike:  Don't let them say that we can't ski,
       We were doin' pretty good 'til we hit that goddamn tree.

Sonny: So I put my little hand on the branch,
       Thought I'd break my fall, but wound up buying the ranch.

Sonny: Tree.
Both:  I hit you, tree.
       I hit you, tree.

Sonny: I had Cher to hold my hand.
Mike:  She had you--then found a real man.
Sonny: I had Newt to think with me.
Mike:  I had Ted to drink with me.
       I went and kissed that tree goodnight.
       Split my skull from left to right.
       I hit the tree, I can't let go.
       My blood is dripping on the snow.

Both:  I hit you, tree.
       I hit you, tree.
       I hit you, tree.
       I hit you, tree.

Forwarded-by: Gende,Gretchen-SEA

Q: And why did Sonny Bono ski into the tree??...
A: It's always been a good political move to keep up with the Kennedys.

Q: What's the title of Sonny Bono's new hit single?
A: "I Got Yew, Babe...."

Q: Why did Sonny die in a ski accident?
A: After being a mayor and a congressman, he wanted to be a Kennedy.

Q: What's the difference between Sonny Bono and Michael Kennedy?
A: About five days.

Police reported Sonny's passing was a quick death. Just like his
solo career....

Q: What directly preceded Sonny Bono's senseless death?
A: Sonny Bono's senseless life.

Q: How was the body found?
A: Sonny side up.

Q: What kind of tribute should Cher perform at Sonny's funeral?
A: A moment of silence.

Q: How do we know Sonny was a politician at heart?
A: At the very end, he was stumping.

We are all mortal. And in the end, Sonny was just ski and bones.

Q: What's the difference between John Denver and Michael Kennedy?
A: John Denver made it alive out of Aspen.

Q: Has Elton John re-written any of his songs for Michael Kennedy?
A: Not yet, but he's done one about the tree: "I'm Still Standing"

Q: How can you be sure that Michael was really a Kennedy?
A: Check the family tree.

Q: How will the priest begin Michael Kennedy's eulogy?
A: "We are gathered here together on this slalom occasion...."

A simple accident? Some witnesses insist there was a second tree at
the snow-covered knoll...

Q: What do Michael and JFK Jr's magazine "George" have in common?
A: Wood pulp.

New bumper sticker...."Plant A Tree....Kill A Kennedy...."

Q: What's one event you don't want to be at?
A: A Michael Kennedy New Year's Bash

Q: What will it take to reunite the four Kennedy brothers?
A1:  One more bullet.
A2:  A season lift pass.

Diana's new title: Princess of Walls

Q: What's the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
A: Taxi!

Q: What did the Queen say when she heard Princess Diana died in a car accident?
A: Was Fergie with her?

Q: Why was Elton John invited to the funeral?
A: So at least one old queen would be seen crying in public.

Q: Why did Elton John perform at the funeral?
A: The Crash Test Dummies were unavailable.

Q: What's harder than getting red wine off carpeting?
A: Getting Di off the upholstery.

Q: What was the official cause of Princess Diana's death?
A: Car-pole-tunnel syndrome.


Forwarded-by: Ninafel <>
Forwarded-by: "Alan E. Mays" <>
Forwarded-by: BlondHarly <>

       T  H  E     H  U  M  O  R      L  I  S  T

     (A Duet for Sonny Bono and a Tree)

     SONNY: When I was young, I couldn't know
     I'd be a ski bum and take a fatal blow
     TREE: Well, all I know, is you can't ski
     Cause you hit me and baby I'm a tree

     BOTH: Babe!
     TREE: You hit me, Babe!
     SONNY: DOA, Babe

     SONNY: What kind of fool is killed by a tree
     While skiing a resort that's called Heavenly
     TREE: Make no mistake, you're quite a dope
     If I were you're age I'd take the bunny slope

     BOTH: Babe!
     TREE: You hit me, Babe!
     SONNY: 86, Babe!

     SONNY: I got a chainsaw with my things
     TREE: If you'd lived, you'd see my rings
     SONNY: Oh, I'm so mad, you're in the ground
     TREE: I'm not to blame, you could have gone `round

     SONNY: And some will say I'm like Kennedy
     Don't follow his lead, cause death's no remedy
     TREE: And when they put you in the ground
     There ain't no arts endowment you can pound

     BOTH: Babe!
     TREE: You hit me, Babe!
     SONNY: N.E.A., Babe?

     TREE: You hit me, you're head is Spam
     SONNY: I hit you, I'm Republican
     TREE: You hit me, do I look like Cher?
     SONNY: I hit you, haven't got a prayer
     TREE: You hit me, while on a peak
     SONNY: I hit you, call it Lesbian Chic
     TREE: You hit me, you gotta go
     SONNY: I hit you, I'm dead in snow
     BOTH: I (You) hit you (me), babe!!!!!!!!!

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