El Nino - Hoax or Consequences?
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 15 Jan 98 19:07:00 -0800
Subject: El Nino - Hoax or Consequences?
Forwarded-by: GCFL <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Forwarded-by: Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird (McHaw) List.
EL NINO DECLARED A HOAX
LOS ANGELES, CA (DPI) -- After El Nino brought only moderate rain to the
West Coast, the National Weather Service was forced to admit that the
much-hyped El Nino was indeed a hoax. The infamous "radar" depictions of
the swirling weather system were no more than infra-red photographs of a
flushing toilet uploaded onto satellites by a couple of teenage pranksters.
In the interest of good taste, the NWS would not describe how the teenagers
simulated the Boktu Islands being spun around and swallowed up by the ocean,
but admit that "maybe someone should have called Boktu before giving the
islands Atlantis status." The NWS confessed that they were surprised people
actually listened to their local weather person in the first place, saying,
"I mean, look at them for god's sake, they're rodeo clowns in suits."
Reported by Dave James
The Daily Probe, December 22, 1997 <email@example.com>
THE TOP 13 LITTLE-KNOWN EFFECTS OF EL NINO
13. Weather Channel temporarily passes Knitting Channel in ratings.
12. During concert, Hanson breaks out into a raucous version of
11. Tori Spelling, confused by lack of sunshine, goes into hibernation.
10. Unusually high tides in silicon implants responsible for delaying
production of Barb Wire 2.
9. Instead of flying south, Canadian geese just cross the border to shop.
8. Home Shopping Network's ratings plummet as trailer park residents
nationwide seek higher ground.
7. Increased moisture in air means William Shatner needs less SuperGlue to
hold his hair down.
6. In a first for a weather pattern, El Nino signs with Nike for a cool 36
5. Groundhog comes out of his hole on Feb. 2 and -- ZAP -- the only thing
left of his hairy little rear is the smell of burnt fur and ozone.
4. Matt Lauer responds to everything Katie Couric says with a booming
"Claro Que Si!"
3. Minor changes in Earth's magnetic field allow Jennifer Aniston to
complete a thought.
2. Rash of "muskrat" sightings in Vegas turns out to be thousands of toupees
floating in from Hollywood.
1. Confused British nannies begin swinging babies counter-clockwise instead
[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
[ The Top Five List firstname.lastname@example.org http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]
© 1998 Peter Langston