Fun_People Archive
18 Feb
The Comedian's-eye View of 02/19/98

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 18 Feb 98 23:00:55 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 02/19/98

Excerpted-from: 02/19/98 -- ShopTalk

                       Thursday February 19, 1998

     "I'd like to thank the children of Asia for making all those
      damn shoes for me, and a hell of a lot of money. No kidding.
      I set down some impossible goals. They said they didn't
      think they could do it, and I said, 'Just Do It!'"

                             Bill Murray, accepting an ESPY award
                             on behalf of Michael Jordan


No Icebergs Involved: "El Nino storms are now interrupting trade with Asian
countries.  A freighter bound for Long Beach with a cargo of yo-yos got
caught in a particularly violent storm.  It sank 65 times." (Argus Hamilton)

Prison Brawl, Take One: Robert Downey Jr. was involved in a prison fight.
"But he wasn't hurt.  For the more dangerous punches, the warden brought in
a stunt inmate." (Alan Ray)

More Good Economic News: AT&T announced last week it will lay off up to
18,000 employees.  "Ever conscious of its image, the company is promoting
the layoffs as a new feature called 'job forwarding.'" (Hamilton)

Olympic Update: CBS is tape-delaying some Winter Olympic events and then
pretending events are "live" when they're really not.  "Don't we get enough
of that watching '60 Minutes' with Mike Wallace and Andy Rooney?" (Steve

Olympic II: A Canadian snowboarder got his gold medal back despite testing
positive for marijuana.  "Olympic officials should know better.  The
snowboard was invented because a stoned skier couldn't remember where he
put his other ski." (Bill Williams)

Iraq Attack: Saddam Hussein's stockpile is deadly.  "The smoke from his
biological weapons could mix with the sulfur from his chemical weapons and
create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles." (Hamilton)

According to an e-mailer who didn't want to be identified, CBS stands for
"Commercials Before Sports."

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