Fun_People Archive
11 Mar
Ahhhhh Jazz!

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 11 Mar 98 17:56:55 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: Ahhhhh Jazz!

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Forwarded-by: Fritz <>

    This is the winner of last month's Porno Short Story Contest.  The rules
stipulated that the stories had to be 200 words or less [fewer -psl] with no
profanity, and all anatomical references had to be replaced with musical
instruments, players, or references to music.


    It was a balmy night out and I was feeling thelonious.  I hadn't had
any tatum in so long I could have bixed a choirgirl.  But I wouldn't have
to - the moment I entered the Luboff Lounge, the babe with the giant eubies
fixed me with a "come duke me" look.  She uncrossed her legs and I could
see almost all the way to birdland.  I felt a tingle in my tito puente, and
with a smile, I had her.  This is it.
    No sooner had we closed my front door than this hot django had grabbed
me by the hines and pulled me close.  I insinuated my hand under her sweater
until I found one of her brubecks, then I slowly traced a circle around her
lee konitz.
    "Oh, baby," she cooed, "you make my red norvo wet."  She unzipped my
getz, and reached in to cradle my johnny hodges in her hand.  "I'd love a
little mingus, darling.  My gillespie is aching."
    By this time my king oliver was ready to take a solo; I could hardly
wait to coda, but I obliged her.  She hoisted her skirt, and I saw that she
wasn't wearing any basies.  I Dove right into her satchmo and attacked her
lennie tristano.
    "Ooh," she moaned, "I want your krupa!  Zoot me!  Miff me!  Fill my
cootie williams!"
    I was ready - almost.  I felt in my pocket.  Uh - oh.  "Sorry, sweets,"
I said.  "No blakey tonight.  I'm all out of condons."

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