Fun_People Archive
29 Mar
The Comedian's-eye View of Monday 3/30/98

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 29 Mar 98 03:18:13 -0800
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of Monday 3/30/98

Excerpted-from: Monday 3/30/98- ShopTalk

                          Monday, March 30, 1998

	"The President and Mrs. Clinton watched as children in a classroom
	 picked out the United States on a map.  Clinton said he hopes
	 someday American students will be able to find it as well."

	 - The Daily Show's Craig Kilborn on the Prez's trip to Uganda


Not the Real Thing: A Georgia high school student was suspended for wearing
a Pepsi shirt during "coke Day" at his school.  "Meanwhile, in Beverly
Hills, several female students were suspended for showing up with saline
implants on 'Dow Chemical Day.'" (Joshua Sostrin)

Day of the Dead: Rolling Stone rocktogenarian Keith Richards has been asked
to appear on stage when the grateful Dead tour this year.  "It was easier
than digging up Jerry Garcia." (Steve Voldseth)

Survey Says: A new study says that the more money a couple earns, the more
likely they are to sleep in the same bed.  "Oh, yeah?  Then how do you
explain Mr. And Mrs. Michael Jackson?"  (Voldseth)

Primary Dancer: "John Travolta will star in a new movie that takes place in
a Mormon disco.  It's called 'Latter-day night Fever.'" (Gerald Wolfe)

Polls Apart: In a survey of New Yorkers, 53% said they'd never had a
one-night stand.  "Well, none that didn't involve waiting for a taxi."

TV God: Members of a Texas cult were disappointed that God didn't appear on
TV at midnight Wednesday as predicted.  "Their spirits were lifted, however,
when they scored some great buys on cubic zirconia jewelry and nonstick
cookware." (Jerry Perisho)

God II: "It's good that God didn't come on TV.  Half the nation would've
been sitting there with their remotes, thinking: "Watch God or watch
Springer." (Daily Scoop)

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