Fun_People Archive
15 Apr
The Comedian's-eye View of Wednesday April 15, 1998

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 98 01:13:24 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of Wednesday April 15, 1998

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Excerpted-from: Wednesday April 15, 1998 -- ShopTalk

                        Wednesday April 15, 1998

"Seventeen-year-old actor Macaulay Culkin got engaged this week to 17-year-
old actress Rachael Miner. It will be the first disastrous marriage for both."
				- Colin Quinn on SNL


H & R Sunblock: It's not all bad news for California taxpayers, who are
twice as likely to be audited.  "California tax auditors are four times more
likely to have nice tans." (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Entertainment Tax: "Here's something on your income tax return that will
get you audited: After you've been arrested for lewd conduct in a restroom,
deduct bail as an entertainment expense." (Jerry Perisho)

A Taxing New Toy: "To teach kids about taxes, there's a new toy:  Audit-Me-
Elmo." (Jenny Church)

Fancy Footwork: "Since the peace agreement in Northern Ireland, President
Clinton is focusing on a more difficult problem: Settling the feud between
'Riverdance' and 'Lord of the Dance.'" (Premiere Radio)

What a Rotten Egg: "A funny thing happened at the White House Easter egg
hunt.  Inside every chocolate bunny was a subpoena from Ken Starr." (Bill

Candy Not So Dandy: A candy company has coume out with Spice Girl lollipops.
"Great, now they suck in more ways than one." (Rudolph J.  Cecera)

Sein-Off: Every network is paying homage to the final "Seinfeld" episode.
"ABC paid tribute during its broadcast of 'The Ten Commandments' by changing
commandment No. 3 to 'Thou Shalt Not Reveal the Ending of Seinfeld.'" (Ira


St. Petersburg Times Television Critic

The "assailant" responsible for injuring a WTSP reporter during a simulated
attack in February was actually a Hillsborough County sheriff's deputy.

Deputy Richard Jahnke, an officer who also appears during crime prevention
segments on WTSP's noon news, was acting under the authorization of his
supervisor to help the station develop a story on self-defense techniques.

It was the second of two faked, surprise assaults" WTSP planned for reporter
and fill-in anchor Alita Haytayan in February...coming before and after a
weeklong, 20-hour self-defense course... to gauge the effectiveness of her

Instead, Haytayan was thrown to the ground in the parking lot next to WTSP's
Gandy Boulevard headquarters, sustaining an arm injury that may require
surgery. The station has not aired the story.

Joe Schneeweiss, owner of the Safety Harbor self-defense school that set up
Haytayan's first simulation, said Jahnke grabbed the reporter from behind
without giving her a fair chance to defend herself.

"He blindsided her," said Schneeweiss of the Academy of Martial Arts Family
Center. "How can you defend against a sucker punch?"

As proof, the instructor shows a videotape of the scenario he arranged. In
both Schneeweiss' and Jahnke's simulations, the reporter had been given a
general warning that she would be attacked unexpectedly but was not told
exactly when the faked assault might occur.

Schneeweiss' video footage shows his assistant rushing up to Haytayan while
shouting at her. Before she can do much besides turn her head, he has
grabbed her in a bear hug and whirled around, throwing them both onto a
well-padded couch.

Guiding Haytayan toward a couch also helped prevent injury in the display,
while shouting helped give the reporter a split second to react, Schneeweiss


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