Fun_People Archive
15 Jun
The Comedian's-eye View of 06/15/98

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 15 Jun 98 02:28:37 -0700
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Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 06/15/98

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Excerpted-from: 06/15/98 -- ShopTalk

                         Monday June 15, 1998

     "There are plenty of liberals out there with weapons. I
      think there are more conservatives in the Hollywood closet
      than there are homosexuals."

                             Charlton Heston, president of the
                             National Rifle Association


Snore 'n' Bore: A Southern Baptist group declared that men should be
the leader of the household and women should submit to their men's
wishes.  "The group also declared they'll be sleeping on the couch
until further notice." (Conan O'Brien)

Take That: "Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson warns that Orlando's
recent "Gay Days" weekend will bring great disaster upon the
city....Yeah, next year the Southern Baptists plan to hold their
convention there." (Bill Williams)

AMS Approved: "Meteorologists say that after El Nino, next winter
offers another storm; this one called La Nina....Followed closely by
La Pinta and La Santa Maria." (Williams)

Windy: Fired Monica Lewinsky lawyer William Ginsburg said he will not
stop attacking injustice wherever he sees it.  "He was last seen on
the Weather Channel saying he is appalled by the conduct and behavior
of recent tornadoes in Oklahoma."  (Argus Hamilton)

Planet Spice: "MTV held auditions Tuesday to find a new Spice Girl.
Those with talent were immediately disqualified."  (Albert Perrotta)

Yikes!: Fox is considering an "Ally McBeal" fashion line.  "Yet
another case of TV looking for good material." (Perrotta)

The Butchered David Letterman list of Charlton Heston pick-up lines:
  -Want to break some commandments?
  -Whoa-are you from the planet of the babes?
  -You have the right to bear my children.
  -I know a secluded spot in the woods where we can riddle each other with
  -My films ain't the only things that last three hours.

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