The Comedian's-eye View of June 16, 1998
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 16 Jun 98 12:38:56 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of June 16, 1998
Excerpted-from: ShopTalk -- June 16, 1998
Tuesday June 16, 1998
"In Montana, you don't see many posted speed limits. So, when the
police car pulls alongside of me, of course I immediately assumed he
wanted to race."
- David Letterman, referring to his recent speeding ticket
Salute: A man dropped his trousers last week while standing up to greet
President Clinton. "and you thought Phil Hartman's Clinton impression was
good." (Albert Perrotta)
Duck: The doomsday clock- which tells us how close we are to nuclear war-
was moved up five minutes yesterday, to nine minutes before midnight. "Can
you blame mushroom clouds on El Nino?" (Perrotta)
And Cover: "It's worse than we thought. At the stroke of midnight, the
doomsday clock will flash 12:00, 12:00, 12:00 for the next billion years."
(Kenny Noble Cortes)
Flight attendants complained before Congress last week about being groped
and harassed by passengers while in the air. "About all the congressmen
could tell them was how nice it was to see them again." (Argus Hamilton)
Up, Up: William Ginsburg, former lawyer for Monica Lewinsky, announced he
will not stop attacking injustice wherever he sees it. "I hope this doesn't
mean he will start wearing tights and a cape." (Kaseberg)
The Butchered David Letterman:
The top signs of trouble in Barbie and Ken's marriage.
-Ken overheard saying he'd like to find "a woman with bendable elbows."
-Years-old feud about who can go longer without blinking.
-They're arguing over custody of the Beanie Babies
-She wants the kids raised as dolls, and he wants them raised as action figures
-He's been coming home late at night reeking of Silly Putty.
-Personal ad reads, "Curvy blond seeks anatomically correct guy."
© 1998 Peter Langston