Fun_People Archive
23 Jun
Another Guatemala Story

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 98 13:14:40 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: Another Guatemala Story

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
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From: Josh & MaryEllen Gerak <>

Another Josh Gerak Travel Chronicle

In my travels to Guatemala over the years I befriended an American
ex-patriot who married a Guatemalan and runs several businesses down there.
He is a colorful fellow and has developed a unique way to survive. I have
shared stories from him in the past, but this one, received over email
yesterday, takes the cake.

This story sure won't inspire you to hop on the next plane to visit, so if
you've been longing to go be forewarned . . .


Josh, I know you like to hear these bullshit stories about Guatemala so here
comes one.  The other day Brad (A Gringo) and I were coming back from the
coast where I bought 2 more Land Rovers for my car rental business.  We
stopped to take a piss on the side of the road and found ourselves
surrounded by cops with machineguns.  They said we just killed a kid and
they were taking us to prison.  The scam is simple (an old Mexican scam).
The cops are on the side of the road with binoculars.  They see gringos or
U.S.  plates on a car.  They have a kid and his parents on the other side
of the road with baseball bat.  As we pass they beat the hell out of the
kid with the bat.  Then they stop us to say we hit him with the car.  They
have a doctor in on the deal to say the kid is suffering head injuries and
may die.  They also have witnesses to say they saw it all.  They put the
Gringos in jail and extort up to $25,000 from them then they spread the
money around between the judge, police, witnesses, parents, the doctor and
don't forget the poor kid, he gets paid well. While I was in Jail I told
them I worked for the U.S. Embassy (I had my warded id.  with me so they
believed me).  When they thought they were about to be busted if they ever
let me out they decided to call all the people involved and lynch me.  They
opened the jail cell door and let me into the office and I noticed no body
was there but me.  Then I saw a large crowd outside and realized what was
about to happen.  I locked the back door, found my knife in a drawer and
was standing at the front door daring them to try it when Helen arrived with
a Judge from Quetzaltenango.  They got me the hell out of there and told me
not to go to MINUGA or report it because in an extortion ring of this
magnitude they will kill me here in Xela if I start causing waves.  So I
took their advice, but am packing this 9mm until the heat blows over.  Cool
story huh?  - Out of here.

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