A little list of "Doc-isms"
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 24 Jun 98 15:20:07 -0700
Subject: A little list of "Doc-isms"
Forwarded-by: Cal Herrmann <email@example.com>
Forwarded-by: firstname.lastname@example.org Mon Jun 22 15:57:03 1998
Forwarded-by: Ruth Aten <email@example.com>
A LITTLE LIST OF DOC-ISMS
(What doctors say, and what they're really thinking)
They SAY: This should be taken care of right away.
They're THINKING: I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so
easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
They SAY: Welllllll, what have we here...?
They're THINKING: I have no idea and am hoping you'll give me a clue.
They SAY: Let me check your medical history.
They're THINKING: I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending
any more time with you.
They SAY: Why don't we make another appointment later in the week.
They're THINKING: I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.
They SAY: We have some good news and some bad news.
They're THINKING: The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad
news is, you're going to pay for it.
They SAY: Let's see how it develops.
They're THINKING: Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be
They SAY: Let me schedule you for some tests.
They're THINKING: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
They SAY: I'd like to have my associate look at you.
They're THINKING: He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
They SAY: I'd like to prescribe a new drug.
They're THINKING: I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea
They SAY: If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call.
They're THINKING: I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
They SAY: That's quite a nasty looking wound.
They're THINKING: I think I'm going to throw up.
They SAY: This may smart a little.
They're THINKING: Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
They SAY: Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?
They're THINKING: I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
They SAY: This should fix you up.
They're THINKING: The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe
They SAY: Everything seems to be normal.
They're THINKING: Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
They SAY: I'd like to run some more tests.
They're THINKING: I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab
can solve this one.
They SAY: Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?
They're THINKING: You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find
a shrink who'll split fees with me ...
They SAY: There is a lot of that going around.
They're THINKING: My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn
something about this.
They SAY: If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment.
They're THINKING: I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm
off next week!
© 1998 Peter Langston