Remembering the Hollywood Squares
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 98 11:34:25 -0700
Subject: Remembering the Hollywood Squares
Forwarded-by: Eric Steese <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Forwarded-by: Cindy Levy
PETER MARSHALL'S LIST OF FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM "HOLLYWOOD SQUARES"
1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having
babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: He's out of town.
2. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie
"What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Dennis Weaver-that's why they asked the question.
3. What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that other cattle aren't?
PAUL LYNDE: They give milk... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies.
4. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
PAUL LYNDE: Who told you about my elephant?
5. James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old.
Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?
MARTY ALLEN: Rhonda Fleming.
6. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet.
7. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very
PAUL LYNDE: An engagement ring.
8. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than
CHARLEY WEAVER: Not drinking.
9. When the Lone Ranger finished with a case, he left something behind. What?
PAUL LYNDE: A masked baby.
10. True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running
toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.
CHARLEY WEAVER: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests.
11. You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki.
PAUL LYNDE: It was a long plane ride.
12. If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
13. Do female frogs croak?
PAUL LYNDE: If you hold their little heads under water.
14. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
DON KNOTTS: That's what's been keeping me awake.
15. True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they
do in their pajamas.
PAUL LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos.
16. According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons?
PAUL LYNDE: No. You should dress warmly.
17. According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex,
what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?
PAUL LYNDE: Where can I get some?
© 1998 Peter Langston