Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 26 Aug 98 01:38:33 -0700
Forwarded-by: "Keith E. Sullivan" <KSullivan@worldnet.att.net>
"TACKY" ELVIS MEMENTOS
Memphis, Tennessee -- All shook up about claims Elvis Presley is still
alive? For $15 you can have a copy of his will.
"Here's proof positive that you can frame for your den that Elvis is dead.
Legally anyway," said entrepreneur Robert Sammons.
Sammons paid $35 to the Shelby County Department of Records in Memphis for
a copy of the signed document.
Officials at Graceland, Presley's estate, told Sammons his money-making
project is "tacky and tasteless," he said.
A spokeswoman for Graceland, which displays the King's gold lame jumpsuits
and mirrored ceilings, did not return a call seeking comment.
WhiteBoard News for June 30, 1995
Joseph Harper <email@example.com>
ELVIS SPEAKS THROUGH 7-11 CLERK
Local 7-11 clerk Babs Gonad used to wake up nightly due to the haunting
ravings of Elvis. Exhausted from sleepless nights and weary from constantly
hearing the voice of Elvis in her head, Babs finally found a sympathetic
friend in Asika Moore, world famous psychic.
Asika solved Babs' problem by talking with Elvis through a specially
equipped crystal ball wired up to Miss Gonad. A panel of experts witnessed
the remarkable conversation between the famous psychic and Elvis, and all
swore on bibles that the event transpired exactly as reported.
Asika: Oh great Elvis, can you hear me?
Elvis: Yes, my fan.
Asika: Why have you entered this woman's body?
Elvis: I came in her body to warn her of the dangers of fast food.
Asika: What are the dangers that you speak of, oh holy one?
Elvis: Let me explain, Ma'am. I was reincarnated as a horse. I loved my
new life, free from the pressures of show biz. One day, some men dressed
in uniforms with the golden tombstones insignia on their pockets came and
they beat me to death with sledgehammers. They ground up my corpse and
mixed up this old horses ass with hamburger meat. The carcasses of other
fat dead celebrities were also used as hamburger filler. After several
months, they made patties out of us and then nearly cooked us. Several days
later, Babs came in and bought a burger and she literally ate me.
Asika Moore explains: "The most amazing thing about this whole story is
that on Valentines Day, Babs had gone to Graceland to worship. After
spending four hours there, Babs became hungry and left. As she walked away
from Graceland, a cloud shaped like the dead dog once owned by Elvis spoke
to her. The cloud told her to go to a well known fast food restaurant.
Just think of all the people that could have eaten that hamburger. I think
it is a miracle that Babs, a devoted Elvis fan, was selected by fate to
receive the Elvis burger."
"Thinking back, I remember hearing the voice of Elvis as soon as that burger
touched my lips," recalls Miss Gonad, "Asika has helped me to understand
this strange phenomenon, and now I am resting much better, although the
voice never stops."
Asika Moore invites anyone else who may have eaten an Elvis burger to
contact her for psychic guidance through the ordeal.
wEakLy wHiRL kNEwZ <http://members.aol.com/scarien/elvis.htm>
ELVIS VERSUS GODZILLA -- SEPARATED AT BIRTH?
Could Godzilla, the King of Monsters and Elvis, The King, be one and the
same? You be the judge.
Godzilla: King of Monsters
Elvis: King of Rock
Year Career Started
Godzilla: Giant lizard
Elvis: Giant lounge lizard
Godzilla: Hangs with freaks
Elvis: Had (has?) Michael Jackson for son-in-law
Famous Bug Battles
Godzilla: Fought giant caterpillar Mothra
Elvis: Outlasted the Beatles
Godzilla: Terrible dubbing of his movies
Elvis: Never could lip-synch
Godzilla: Would eat anything
Elvis: Would eat anything fried
Godzilla: Played by fat man in rubber suit
Elvis: Was fat man in polyester suit
Godzilla: Traveled past Jupiter for Godzilla vs. Monster Zero
Elvis: Was believed to be aboard alien spacecraft on
Godzilla: Fought pollution in Godzilla vs. Smog Monster
Elvis: Absorbed all forms of pollution into his own body
Godzilla: Has eaten the building
Elvis: Has eaten everything in the building
© 1998 Peter Langston