Bits o' Bull No. 483 - Back to School
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 27 Aug 98 00:30:56 -0700
Subject: Bits o' Bull No. 483 - Back to School
Excerpted-from: BONG Bull No. 483!
THE BURNED-OUT NEWSPAPERCREATURES GUILD'S NEWSLETTER
Copyright (c) 1998 by BONG. All rights reserved.
To subscribe: Email to firstname.lastname@example.org. In the text say
BACK TO SCHOOL ISSUE. They're ba-ack. Colleges worldwide are chockablock
with bright shiny faces, rosy optimistic youngsters with dreams of fine
futures, fervent idealists determined to rectify the wrongs of the world,
and journalism majors. For the latter little brethren, the Career
Improvement and Better Roommates Committee offers this advice:
-- Nobody on campus cares what you think, so forget about making
the big career splash in the school paper. Save it for the Bigs, where
nobody in the world will care what you think.
-- There are no jazz bands hiring journalism majors, but there are
newspapers hiring trombone players who can read, write and know when to
finish. Re-think your major.
-- Photographers are supposed to act like that.
-- A good newspaper can survive with one dimbulb manager on the
staff. It's called momentum. But the dimbulbs are starting to clump. If
you hear more than three assistant department heads (or two of higher rank)
say "I don't know" about anything, get your clips in the mail.
-- Seen "Saving Private Ryan?" Hell of a movie.
-- Do not lend a student anything which requires dry cleaning. Do
not lend a pro anything that requires laundry. Do not lend a graduate
assistant your meal ticket.
-- Everything in the newsroom refrigerator is important to someone,
so leave it there. It will crawl out in its own time.
-- Make sure you stopped making up quotes and stealing jokes before
you left your last job.
-- Three people you never want to offend: The paymaster, the waiter
who is the last person to touch your food, and the copy editor who is the
last person to touch your writing.
-- TV sitcom stars are funny. You can try to be an urban angst
victim, hip gentrified young married or graying psuedo-intellectual
plutocrat, but you won't be funny.
-- It's a shame that the office supply cabinet always goes empty at
back-to-school time, so get there early.
-- Apologizing is always easier than getting permission.
-- If you can recite the 6-point Benday Rule, you can do anything.
© 1998 Peter Langston