A Dance Test
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 10 Sep 98 18:16:37 -0700
Subject: A Dance Test
[I just got back from playing at a dance camp, so I recognize all the people
in this test... -psl]
Forwarded-by: Bob Stein <email@example.com>
Forwarded-by: Thomas Ernst <firstname.lastname@example.org
TAKE THE TEST AND FACE THE TRUTH!
[original by Loui Tucker]
Is dancing taking over your life? Have you heard whispers that you're
addicted to dance? Are you afraid that you, or a loved one, is becoming a
dance-aholic? Take this simple test for yourself, or take it on behalf of
someone you care about. However painful it might be, it's time you (or
somebody) faced the truth.
Count 1 point for every YES answer.
* You listen to dance music at times when you can't possibly dance--e.g. on
your car stereo, with headphones while taking public transportation, or on
airplanes. Give yourself an additional point if you have actually clapped
your hands at the spot in the music where you would clap if you were dancing.
* More than 50% of the t-shirts in your wardrobe are dance-related. Give
yourself an extra point if any of them are no longer the right size or are
too worn to wear, but you keep them anyway for sentimental reasons because
they remind you of a special dance event.
* When you are debating whether or not to buy a new article of clothing, a
chief factor in the decision is whether or not you can wear it dancing.
* You go to non-dance social functions with other dancers but you cannot
carry on a conversation for longer than 15 minutes without talking about
dance. (This includes gossiping about people at dance class!)
* You have to explain at least once a week that you missed some over-hyped
television program, a business function or social event because it conflicts
with dance class.
* What you eat for dinner depends on whether you're going dancing afterwards
(nothing too heavy, no garlic or onions).
* Even though you are an advanced dancer, you drop in on the beginners
classes at least once a month just in case they are learning a dance you've
* At least once a month you phone or e-mail another dancer to find out
whether he/she is going to a dance class. Give yourself another point if,
when you find out he/she is not going dancing, you go anyway.
* You subscribe to more than one dance-related magazine or newsletter --
The Grapevine, Rokdim, Nirkoda, Let's Dance, New Zealand Folk Dancer, etc.
* At least two gifts per year (received or given) are dance-related --
clothing, music, video, money for dance camp, etc.
* The photos on your desk at work include at least one of you at a
* You plan business trips and vacations so as to avoid missing your favorite
local dance classes, i.e. leaving the morning after the class and/or
arriving the afternoon before the class.
* You get information about dancing in the area of your vacation or business
trip, and pack dance clothing so you can dance while you're there. Two extra
points if you pack extra dance gear on business trips just in case your
returning afternoon flight is delayed and you have to drive from the airport
directly to class instead of going home to change clothes.
* Your car is adorned with (1 point for each) --Dance-related personalized
license plate --Dance-related bumpersticker --Dance-related license plate
* You have, at least once in the past year, spent more time driving to a
dance event than you knew you would actually spend dancing, i.e. one hour
each way commuting to dance less than two hours.
* You use your computer for dance-related activities. (1 point for each)
--You netsurf for dance-related websites. --You have e-mail relationships
with other dancers in which you write about dance-related activities --You
check "alt.rec.folkdance" for news of dance events --You subscribe to a
mailing list organized around dance-related topics. --You maintain a
dance-related website. --Your e-mail address, password, or screen-saver is
* If you have pets, at least one of them has a dance-related name - a cat
named Debki, a dog named Zwiefacher, a bird named Polka.
* You don't know the last name of at least five dancers, but refer to them
descriptively instead as something like "David Who Wears Thick Glasses and
Dances Like R2D2" or "Rachel The Skinny Brunette Who Wears Leggings and Makeup
and Always Has A Bare Midriff."
*15 or more. Mayday, mayday. Houston, we have a serious dance problem.
Don't be surprised if your friends organize an intervention to confront you
with your addiction. You can deal with problem directly by checking your
phone book for the local 12-step-hop program in your area.
*11-14. You're a borderline dance-aholic. With some effort on your part you
can take back control of your life without outside help. It may be enough
to cut out dancing between dance classes.
*6-10. Not to worry. You're one of those social dancers. You can take it or
leave it. You can walk off the dance floor anytime. Dance-aholics view you
*1-5. Are you kidding? Are you taking this test as a joke? You probably
don't know a step-hop from a pivot. Get outta here -- you wouldn't even
watch dance-related television programs!
© 1998 Peter Langston